This page has the best of Derek’s Executive briefings which have been sent out. To people who have seen him speak at conferences, attended a Negotiation Masterclass or signed up on line. Over one hundred and twenty briefings to 4308 subscribers worldwide. That is almost 650,00,000 single mailings Feedback – My view is feedback as it is usually called, can be used badly by many people. These tend to be the managers or leaders who haven’t taken the trouble to find out the style and the motivation of the person, who is the recipient of the feedback. This is a massive wasted opportunity and a huge cost to any business. Some people can handle feedback well, however many people are wary of the word feedback and then expect the worst “negative criticism”. As soon as the word feedback is mentioned you can almost always see people go into a negative state, crossed arms, defensive. This is not a mindset which is conducive to learning and making adjustments to your behaviour. ———– Derek – Thanks for another great briefing – delighted to hear that I was the second fastest reader (working on the logic that you don’t have any other Tasmanians subscribed, now that may be presumptuous of me!) Clearly I’ve missed my calling and should be running a bank somewhere… Meant to reply last time and say that I attended a one-day seminar in London organised via Warwick Business School alumni association, some years ago. Got great value out of it and continue to share your briefings, so people here enjoy them as well. Will probably return to the UK at some point and would like to do another seminar or course – unless of course you find yourself in Aus someday in the meantime! Bryony Fitzgerald – Tasmania, Australia Hi Derek – I wanted to thank you for sending on your inspiring briefings throughout 2015. I always look forward to them and in fact with the sheer weight of emails I’ve had this year in particular (what is going on with people?!) my reward for clearing a slew of emails (what is the collective term?) is to read your briefing! I trust that you will have a great 12 months and will reflect how much energy you have put out in to the world and how much the ripples of that energy have sparked other people to get out there and JUST DO IT! – Paul Mr. Paul Maslowski – Information Manager | CRN: East Midlands | NIHR Clinical Research Network (CRN)
Briefing number 152
Welcome, thank you for opening this briefing.
On Saturday, after 4 years, I stood down as Chairman of the Board of Directors of the Professional Speaking Association in the United Kingdom. Having grown from 250 members to 600 with all the growing pains, it was time for someone else to move the organisation to it’s next stage of it’s development. Somebody with complimentary but different skills to me.
On stage to a standing ovation I was presented with this plaque to commemorate my time, the work I put in and the success we achieved. Wow I was speechless.
I am not telling you this to impress you, but to impress upon you that when you give to an organisation you get an enormous amount back. My research says it goes back to Socrates and Plato who spoke about the “The law of sowing and reaping”.
What you put in comes back to you in different ways, usually in unexpected ways.
Without the Professional Speaking Association I would not have spoken in Australia, taught negotiation techniques to His Royal Highness Sheikh Mohammed in the Royal Palace in Abu Dhabi and worked with Nido Qubein at Highpoint University, North Carolina – just to mention a few highlights.
What are the learning points from my 4 years as Chair that you might be able to use in your business, your life and your negotiations?
1 – I underestimated the amount of preparation I needed to do with Graham Jones the CEO before a board meeting. I know it sounds crazy, but after the first meeting, I re-read the preparation chapter of my own book. Never underestimate the amount of preparation you need to do for a successful outcome. Proper, preparation, prevents, pretty, poor, performance.
2 – Avoid “round-robin” emails if there is any chance of anything being controversial (Emails sent to multiple recipients). What tends to happen is some respondents put forward different views and the stronger personalities start influencing the more passive people. Send important emails individually. It takes about 1 minute longer. Mark them IMPORTANT
3 – Don’t assume people have read what you have sent round. emails get lost. Some people don’t have time, energy or the motivation to read everything.
4 – If you want to influence people. Pick them off one at a time; this is not possible in the arena of a board meeting. Call them or meet them for a coffee.
5 – Judge people on what they do, not what they say. Keep a close check on time deadlines to avoid embarrassing situations. People don’t always do what they promise.
It was a great experience which I am so pleased to have undertaken as I learned so much.
Speaking to an audience is a massive responsibility as you have the opportunity to share your wisdom and “hopefully” make a change in some of the people who are engaged and listening.
I have just returned from Ljubljana the capital of Slovenia with my business associate Martin Kearns, where together we were running a negotiation masterclass. 287 Slovenians came from all over their beautiful country.
There is a style to use with a large group. It is a mixture between an educational keynote and a masterclass.I learnt how to do it from the master, Bill Ury, author of Getting to Yes, when attending his masterclass at Harvard some years ago.
Whatever the format, it’s the results that count and that is what I concentrate on. Information is power but it is action that makes things happen.
What was interesting is that in that part of Europe people have a hunger to learn, more so than in other parts of Europe including the UK.
There will be a full update on the takeaways from Slovenia in the next briefing.
Negotiation Advisory Service – 07980 241185
A client called me two weeks ago for some negotiation advice on two large contracts she has with a government organisation. She had been asked to reduce her price by the procurement department as they had to make saving of over £400 million. This was despite the fact that one contract had 12 months to run and another one had 4 years left. All agreed and contracted.
What should she do? (I could hear the tremor in her voice as she spoke).
1 – Do nothing and risk not getting any further business?
2 – Reduce it to the figure she was being told that others would do it at? Which was a 36% reduction in price!
3 – Or do something else? This is where we can help!
After discussing it, I advised her to call her main contact in the operational side and meet them for a coffee. Connect, build rapport and ask their advice.
There is often a mismatch in what procurement want and what the operations people want.
Their advice was to give a small concession early. She gave 6.7% and it worked. They cancelled the meeting with procurement and accepted the offer.
Why did it work on this occasion?
1 – Others refused to budge.
2 -The personal contact was vital. A small movement in an odd amount often works (funny money negotiating tactic)
3 – Reminding them of the USP’s in a revised value proposition. Lasering in on the value they brought to the contract. This can often cause a negotiating issue internally between the procurement people and the operations people.
We helped the client re-write their value proposition with the benefits clearly restated.
FOR ADVICE ON NEGOTIATIONS – USE MY NEGOTIATION ADVISORY SERVICE 078980 241185
If anything like this happens to you or your company, this is what we will do!
1 – Review your circumstances from an outsiders perspective
2 – Review your BP, TP, WAP and AP.
3 – With you, meet your key contact face to face, if appropriate.
4 – Make a decision. If you do reduce your price, reduce it in what I call “funny money” A strange amount, which has the appearance of looking carefully calculated.
5 – Leave the door open.
6 – Plus other applicable tactics to suit the situation!!!!!
In Win Win pages 53-56 There are reminders of USP’s, variables and value propositions.
To my Bulgarian friends, looking forward to seeing you in April in Sofia. My promoter in Sofia tells me that there are only a few tickets left, so make sure you don’t miss out. Power negotiating – translated into Bulgarian.
“Здравейте, аз съм Дерек Арден и на 27 април ще се видим в София за един необикновен семинар “Влияние и Преговори”. Очаквам Ви в залата, за да споделя техники за повече успехи! Билети ще откриете на www.derek.tothetop.bg ” Book here for Sofia
Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people.
BRIEFING NUMBER 151
Working with a client recently they were concerned about the strength of their negotiating position. This is a normal concern for most people as the buyer will always tell you that they have other options. Which of course they will have. There are always options, you have options and they have options. The important issues are understanding the options and their relative value.
When we are negotiating, we can’t always see what the options are because we are often too close to the issues.
In Win Win pages 53-56 we discuss USP’s Unique Selling Points, options and variables. Variables are sometimes called IVC’s. Inexpensive Valuable Concessions.
Here are three costly mistakes people often make when negotiating
1 – Not knowing what their variables are. You always have variables.
2 – Not understanding what their USP’s are.
3 – Lacking confidence because they haven’t spent time working on them and therefore increasing their competitive advantage.
Whether I am working with large or small companies, these are just some of the key issues which need examination to increase the likelihood of a successful outcome to a negotiation at a sensible price.
By the way – in most competitive markets, the most important USP is YOU. The way you handle the client, the service you give and the rapport / connection that you or your relationship people build.
How can we be even better – What got you here, won’t get you there.
Most people strive to get better at what they do. However feedback can often be negative and self serving by the person who is giving the feedback.
Feedback as the word suggests looks backwards, whereas the word feedforward as it says looks forward.
How can we get even better at what we do going forward?
Whatever we call it feedforward needs handling carefully, professionally and sensitively. Particularly when it comes in the format of 360 degree feedback.
Marshall Goldsmith gives key insights in his ground breaking book. What got you here won’t get you there.
I was fortunate enough to see Goldsmith speak at a convention in New York, bought his book and he signed it for me personally. What can we learn from Goldsmith to make us even better –
1 – Use the word feedforward not feedback
2 – In soliciting feedforward the best question to ask is “How can I do better”
3 – Feedforward should be delivered by a professional and it should be confidential so no one gets defensive
4 -Not everyone responds to executive development.
Presenting Phenomenally – 41 of the 4200 recipients of this briefing took up the edition 150 offer last month of a free electronic copy of Presenting Phenomenally – How to succeed at presenting in today’s fast paced market place. Click here.
As we know, presenting and pitching are critical skills to get you to the Negotiating table. There are just three tips you will find in the book that are often forgotten –
1 – Connect with your audience before you start.
2 – Use the power of three. Make your points in three’s.
3 – At the end, thank your audience.
Use your head
Pearson, publishers of Win Win have agreed a new marketing campaign and are continuing with the offer of a free chapter for you to download. here it is Use your head when negotiating – Chapter 10. Thank you Pearson.
I mentioned two key self development books that have made a difference to me and I would recommend to you.
The Magic of Thinking Big
How to win friends and influence people
Negotiation in a Nutshell for March – three more tip top tips
1 – Take a time out, a break to think through your options
2 – Play to the other person’s EGO. lock yours away
3 – Press your pause button before you accept their offer
We are just two weeks away from the Negotiation Convention Masterclass in Ljubljana, Slovenia. 185 delegates have signed up to date for 6 hours of the most cogent, relevant and profit generating negotiating tips for 2017. Can’t afford the time or the cost, you will get your money back in a week, if you follow my tried, tested and proven methods which I will be explaining.Only a few places left.
With over 300 Slovenian readers this briefing. How is my Slovenian below?
Zelo se ze veselim, da bom 21. 3. v Sloveniji izvajal svoj seminar na temo pogajanj. To je kriticna poslovna vescina v danasnjem hitro se spreminjajocem svetu.
Look forward to seeing you on 21st or in Sofia on 27th April. My Bulgarian is pretty good as well, don’t you think?
“Здравейте, аз съм Дерек Арден и на 27 април ще се видим в София за един необикновен семинар “Влияние и Преговори”. Очаквам Ви в залата, за да споделя техники за повече успехи! Билети ще откриете на www.derek.tothetop.bg ” Book here for Sofia
Briefing 150 – 23 February 2017 Welcome, thank you for opening this briefing. This is the 150th edition spanning a period of 10 years. We started with just 200 subscribers and the list has grown to 4210 today, all of who have either attended a masterclass, a keynote or found us on one of our websites. Thank you for your continuing interest and we would like to give you a gift. A copy of Presenting Phenomenally – How to really succeed at presenting and pitching. Just Email me and I will attach a PDF by return. Click here to preview what you will get As we know, presenting and pitching are critical skills to get you to the Negotiating table. There are just three tips you will find in the book that are often forgotten – 1 – Connect with your audience before you start. 2 – Use the power of three. Make your points in three’s. 3 – At the end, thank your audience. Use your head Pearson, publishers of Win Win have agreed a new marketing campaign and here is a free chapter for you to download. The chapter that the editor, Eloise, didn’t want to publish. She said “Derek what has this to do with negotiating?” It looks more like how to mind map, speed read etc”. I replied “Eloise, if you can’t speed read, collect all the facts on a mind map or spider diagram, you are going to waste so much time preparing for the negotiation”. She agreed and here is the chapter for you to download and pass on to others who might need it. Use your head chapter 10. Thank you Pearson. Speed Stuns 20% of what we do provides 80% of the results. According to Vilfredo Pareto the Italian economist. Richard Koch has written several books about this phenomenon. Click here Apply the rule to everything you do. Concentrate on the 20% of the things that will make an 80% difference to what you do, your business and your personal life. Then apply the speed stuns rule. Deal with the key issues straight away. I am staggered in 2017 how some people believe if they have agreed to do something, that doesn’t mean they have to do it! They hide behind volume of work, emails etc. David Scwartz author of The Magic of Thinking Big calls it “Excusitus” Beware of people who make promises and then don’t deliver. Judge people on what they do: not what they say. If you are suffering from “Excusitus” here is the anti-dote. Just do it! ————- I read this week that Warren Buffett’s favourite book is also one of my top ten books. How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. Negotiation in a Nutshell for March – three tip top tips 1 – You always have to have an alternative position. You have to have options. 2 – Learn your own conflict style. recognise when you are negotiating there will always be conflict to some degree. 3 – Sit down and mind map all the options before you see the other side. Slovenia 3 top twitter quotes from @derekarden twitter posts. 1 – The word ASSumption. Begins with the first three letters ASS. Check assumptions! 2 – There are only statues for people who make things happen. Not for the spectators in life. 3 – You are born with nothing. You leave with nothing. So make sure you add value while you are here. ——— “The successful warrior is the average person, with laser like focus” said Bruce Lee. ———- University on Wheels – Reader Matt Stinton wrote in after edition 149 – Derek, Brian Tracy is great. I too learnt a lot from him about positive thinking whilst sitting in my car commuting to work. It works! Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people. Welcome, thank you for opening this briefing. This is the 150th edition spanning a period of 10 years. We started with just 200 subscribers and the list has grown to 4210 today, all of who have either attended a masterclass, a keynote or found us on one of our websites. Thank you for your continuing interest and we would like to give you a gift. A copy of Presenting Phenomenally – How to really succeed at presenting and pitching. Just Email me and I will attach a PDF by return. Click here to preview what you will get As we know, presenting and pitching are critical skills to get you to the Negotiating table. There are just three tips you will find in the book that are often forgotten – 1 – Connect with your audience before you start. 2 – Use the power of three. Make your points in three’s. 3 – At the end, thank your audience. Use your head Pearson, publishers of Win Win have agreed a new marketing campaign and here is a free chapter for you to download. The chapter that the editor, Eloise, didn’t want to publish. She said “Derek what has this to do with negotiating?” It looks more like how to mind map, speed read etc”. I replied “Eloise, if you can’t speed read, collect all the facts on a mind map or spider diagram, you are going to waste so much time preparing for the negotiation”. She agreed and here is the chapter for you to download and pass on to others who might need it. Use your head chapter 10. Thank you Pearson. Speed Stuns 20% of what we do provides 80% of the results. According to Vilfredo Pareto the Italian economist. Richard Koch has written several books about this phenomenon. Click here Apply the rule to everything you do. Concentrate on the 20% of the things that will make an 80% difference to what you do, your business and your personal life. Then apply the speed stuns rule. Deal with the key issues straight away. I am staggered in 2017 how some people believe if they have agreed to do something, that doesn’t mean they have to do it! They hide behind volume of work, emails etc. David Scwartz author of The Magic of Thinking Big calls it “Excusitus” Beware of people who make promises and then don’t deliver. Judge people on what they do: not what they say. If you are suffering from “Excusitus” here is the anti-dote. Just do it! ————- I read this week that Warren Buffett’s favourite book is also one of my top ten books. How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. Negotiation in a Nutshell for March – three tip top tips 1 – You always have to have an alternative position. You have to have options. 2 – Learn your own conflict style. recognise when you are negotiating there will always be conflict to some degree. 3 – Sit down and mind map all the options before you see the other side. Slovenia 3 top twitter quotes from @derekarden twitter posts. 1 – The word ASSumption. Begins with the first three letters ASS. Check assumptions! 2 – There are only statues for people who make things happen. Not for the spectators in life. 3 – You are born with nothing. You leave with nothing. So make sure you add value while you are here. ——— “The successful warrior is the average person, with laser like focus” said Bruce Lee. ———- University on Wheels – Reader Matt Stinton wrote in after edition 149 – Derek, Brian Tracy is great. I too learnt a lot from him about positive thinking whilst sitting in my car commuting to work. It works! Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people. ——– Briefing 10th February 2017 Today we are living in a period of the fastest change the world has seen. So we need to be as effective as we can be, with the resources we have. Research says in the USA high achievers spend around 59 hours a week working. That doesn’t mean working at their job. That means additionally working on themselves, studying, learning researching etc. It is likely in 2017 many people will change career at some stage in the future. So remember, “Always learning, always earning” If you have a commute to work, it is a fantastic opportunity to listen to audio self development material, either on your smart phone or in your car. A car has been called your own university on wheels. As many people spend more time in their cars than students spend in university lectures. There are so many podcasts to download by interesting people. I will be giving you some links over the next few months. I am at present re listening to some tapes, yes tapes, that were in the back of our garage by Brian Tracy. Thinking Big they are called……if you want details of people to listen to email me. I learnt more by listening to Brian on my way to London 20 years ago, than from anyone else. Last year I was privileged to be introduced to him in San Diego by Patricia Fripp and then they invited me to lunch. My social media mentor has told me I need to start broadcasting tips, techniques and ideas on Facebook Live. So watch out for my live posts. Self audit questionnaire At a recent seminar I was asked to give feedforward on the power of 1st impressions and how the delegates came across to their customers. Here is a self audit questionnaire that you might like to have a look at AND then ask your team where you can all sharpen your skills. Click here Local breakfast masterclass for charity To my Challengers Business Club friends, plus anyone who is a regular reader. So the second breakfast negotiation masterclass is on 24th February in Giraffe, Guildford. All proceeds to Challengers Click here to book now. Just 8 tickets left. Here is what just one delegate said “I came away from Derek’s breakfast, confident in my new found skills, in a range of contexts. This has assisted in a current negotiation where I have agreed an additional fee of £156k in a very difficult context”. ——- Sometimes we do make the odd spelling mistake in this briefing. We do apologise for this as I know this can be really distracting for a few people. We re-read it many times, use the spell checker but sometimes something slips through. That is why publications have proof readers who haven’t been the authors. However spelling and grammar have changed in 2017, with smart phones, emoticons and text speak. I am fascinated by the psychology that says the spelling doesn’t matter as long as the first and last letters are correct. Unless you are smart you won’t be able to read the paragraph below, so only try if you are smart. “Olny srmat poelpe can raed this. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by itself. Gloombugs – At this time of year when it is still dark, be even more careful you don’t listen to the many people who are negative. A friend of mine calls them “Gloombugs”. They have the ability to transfer their toxic negative energy. Positive people like us have to be careful. The trick is to recognise from their tone and their words, where they are coming from and consciously ignore them. Excuse yourself and move on. This is my sort of sign below. Thank you to a regular reader Martin for sending it to me. Negotiation in a Nutshell for February 2017 – 5 listening tips 1 – Make sure you are in the now. Fully present, concentrating on the other person. 2 – Sit up straight, do “listening body language”. 3 – Turn off all mobile phones and distractions. 4 – Make notes. 5 – Summarise at the end. 3 top twitter quotes from @derekarden twitter posts 1 – Today is the first day of the rest of your life. 2 – Judge people on what they do, not what they say. 3 – Service before self. Briefing 24th January 2017 Welcome, thank you for opening this briefing. I hope all is well and you are on track towards your goals. Apologies for being a week late with this briefing, due to a negotiating situation I have been advising on, since the 5th of January. For my Challengers Business Club friends, plus our regular readers, I am running another breakfast negotiation session on 24th February in Guildford, all proceeds to Challengers Click here to book. (I might have added a few people to this briefing list from the event at Loseley Park and I am sorry. If you don’t want to receive it regularly please unsubscribe immediately from the link at the bottom or email me direct). A regular reader Martin sent me a note from Leicester, “Derek can you write more about negotiation issues in the news and comment as a negotiation adviser what is happening”? So here is the first one Current negotiations in the news Brexit – The Prime Minister said clearly last week, that she wasn’t going to declare any negotiating time scales. Nor was she going to talk about tactics or techniques. She reminded her critics and the journalists she was not going to alert our negotiation partners to any cards we were going to play, our negotiating strengths or our negotiating weaknesses. Mrs May continued in her statement saying, she was going to negotiate professionally for the good of the UK people, carrying out the mandate that she had been given in the best way possible. Whenever we are in a tough negotiating we have to play our cards close to our chest. The other side certainly will also do so in their self interest!!! Whatever your opinions, it has to be a good negotiating tactic to be the first world leader to visit the new US President. I might not be serious here but if she has read “Win Win”. It looks like she is using these chapters this week. 1 – Preparation 2 – Tactics – Using “side meetings” to talk to other world leaders about trade deals when we leave 3 – 1st Impressions. Seeing Trump first! Strike while the iron is hot. Prime Minister Let me know if I can help you in any way. Negotiation is a fundamental psychological and business skill. 07980 241185 Jonathan Wood said, “I came away from your masterclass confident in my new found skills in a range of contexts. This has assisted in a current negotiation where I have agreed an additional fee of £156k in a very difficult context”. ——- Recently I was running an inspirational selling masterclass. Here I ask the delegates to come up with a positive word that starts with the letter of the day of the week. This is really useful for positive people like us to use, when people ask the question, “How are you?” So try these when asked. It’s great fun and also interesting to watch people’s reaction! 1 – Monday – Magnificent 2 – Tuesday – Terrific 3 – Wednesday – Wonderful 4 – Thursday – Tremendous 5 – Friday – Fantastic 6 – Saturday – Sensational 7 – Sunday – Superb ———— Negotiation in a Nutshell for February 2017 – 7 mistakes people make! 1 – Lack of preparation. 2 – Assuming they know where the other side is coming from 3 – Not asking good quality questions 4 – Not listening acutely 5 – Not making concessions conditional on getting something back 6 – Not understanding the psychology of influence 7 – Not putting themselves in the heads of the other people. I did say heads, not shoes. Research tells us you are likely to be twice as effective if you ask yourself, “What is the other person thinking?” Before you go into a negotiation. Remember we are in a form of negotiating many times a day whenever we have an interaction with another person. If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got. So try something different and see what happens. If it doesn’t work for you, go back and do what you did before. Nothing lost and you have gained experience. 475 people taking notes at a masterclass last year Slovenia 3 top twitter quotes from @derekarden in January 1 – You can’t control the cards you are dealt, but you can control the way you play them 2 – There are three sides to everything. Mine, yours and the right one. 3 – You become who you spend the most time with. So stick around smart people. Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn. —————- Internet savings Kevin writes from Southampton – Hi Derek Hope you are having a good start to 2017. I know you like to include little snippets in your Executive Briefing about how people have used your book and ideas to make savings. So thought I would share a few bits with you. Car Breakdown Cover: 5 minutes research, phone call and switch to a new provider £63 saving. Broadband and Phone: Approached existing provider to ask for a loyalty discount. Result £124 reduction in what I pay annually Car Insurance: Both my wife and I got a renewal premium that was lower than previous year but again a bit of research online and quick phone call got us a further £50 reduction All the best for 2017 and keep sharing those tips. Last briefing – December 6th Welcome to this briefing and thank you for opening it. Christmas is nearly here and the cards are arriving daily. Don’t forget to use Quidco on any of your online purchases this Christmas. Here is a copy of the email I sent out to the delegates at the conference, I spoke at for Chartered Institute of Management Accountants last Wednesday. They wanted advice on saving money on bills and links to Quidco in an email. Here it is in italics. ——– To CIMA Delegates Tips on money saving negotiations on the internet!!! 5 areas where you can save money fast 1 – TV bills 2 – Energy bills 3 – Broadband bills 4 – Mobile phone bills 5 – Insurance premiums 6 – Buying anything on the internet via Quidco Top Tips – 1 – You can use this link to join Quidco Click here 2 – Here is a small tip with bills. “Either use a web chat line which can be easier or call. You might say something like this, “I am afraid you are too expensive and I need to reduce my bills. I will have to cancel or switch unless you can do something to help me (say this gently, with a calm quite and firm voice tonality) Three Negotiation Nuggets RULE 1 – When you are negotiating you must have options. RULE 2 – If you don’t ask, you don’t get. RULE 3 – The first price quote is never their best offer. ——— I see the Christmas song to be released on 16th December is a cover version of the 1969 Rolling Stones hit “You can’t always get what you want” A Jo Cox tribute, with the proceeding to a charitable foundation in her name to help others. The preview sounds fantastic. There are three facts that interest me about the original version 1 – Charlie Watts couldn’t play on the track as he couldn’t get the beat right. 2 – John Lennon said the Rolling Stones were apt to copy the Beatles. He had this song and “Hey Jude” in mind. 3 – Donald Trump used it in his campaign and continued to do so after the Rolling Stones lawyers had asked him to stop.
4th January 2017 – Briefing A very happy and prosperous New Year to you and your family. Goals, perhaps not resolutions? People talk about New Year resolution, but as you probably know the techniques that tend to work better are to have clear goals throughout the year, not resolutions. There is almost an expectancy that resolutions will be broken. Certainly our negative newsmedia will suggest this. Goals should be written down on paper so that you can constantly keep reminding yourself what they are. Carry them around with you, in your purse, in your wallet and look at them daily. It means we think about them often and as the psychologists say, “You get what you think about”. Positive reminders activates the part of the brain known as the Reticular Activation System (RAS) which is a small section that helps us seek out what we want. That is why language is so important. If we use positive language when we talk to ourselves and when we talk to others, positive things generally happen. When we use negative language, negative things tend to happen. For example if you say to a child “Don’t spill the milk” The brain will focus on the words “Spill the milk”. We think about the words before we negate them. So it would be much better to say, be careful with the milk. So be careful thinking about, “What you don’t want” as the brain doesn’t process the negative very well. So whatever you do today “Don’t think of a blue tree” Areas of goal setting that you might like to consider for 2017 1 – Health and fitness 2 – Contacting and helping family and friends 3 – Getting your finances in good shape 4 – What you are going to achieve at work 5 – What personal development you are going to undertake 6 – Travel – where you might go 7 – Other personal goals Be specific and put an exact date on what action you will have taken by when. However here is a success warning. They probably won’t work if you talk them through with a negative friend who says : “Oh that won’t work, I have tried it and it didn’t work for me, I hate what those personal development gurus say” Be careful! Talk to positive people who will support and encourage you. Everything is possible. If you take the IM off of impossible and turn into I’m possible. ————— Someone once said – “You’re better off doing something imperfectly, than merely perfectly identifying it.” —————– I have talked about my sponsored charity before. They are Challengers who help disadvantaged children and families have a better quality of life. They do a fantastic job. I am running two negotiation masterclasses in Guildford, with 100% of proceeds going to them on the day. If you would like to support this, have a great start to your morning with breakfast and two hours of the secrets I have learnt about negotiating, selling and presenting then Click here. One place left for this Friday. Alternative date Click here 24th February in central Guildford. ——————— This is the season when people want to invest in training and masterclasses to upgrade their skills, and the skills of their people, to get better results in 2017 I have been running a number recently for senior people so they can pass the skills on to their teams by way of briefings / debriefings, coaching and mentoring. Many of the key skills like asking great questions, listening acutely, reading body language, the psychology of influence and persuasive tactics are not understood. This is costing companies many millions of pounds a year. Here are 5 key points that came out of a session recently that ambitious people, like you, might want to remind yourself about. 1 – Proper preparation, prevents, pretty, poor, results 2 – Prepare your positions “Best position, Target position, Walk Away position and Alternative position. Harvard call it a BATNA. 3 – It may be that the information you learn during the discussions may make you want to adjust these positions. After all negotiating is dynamic. 4 – Most issues when negotiating need an understanding of what the other person wants 5 – Asking great questions is key to getting great answers. Prepare them in advance. The quality of the questions you ask determines the quality of the answers you get. Call or email me now to book an appointment – for one hour, three hours or a one day session. You will get your investment back in a week and from then on its all bottom line profit. A famous American negotiator once said, “You don’t always get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate” ———— Mark Twain said, “20 years from now you will be more disappointed in what you didn’t do-rather than the things that you did do. So sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, discover and dream” ———- This month’s top twitter quotes from @derekarden 1 – If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got 2 – You never stop earning, if you never stop learning 3 – Today is the first day of the rest of your life Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn. When is the right time to send an important email? It’s not always at the time it suits you. The way an email is interpreted depends on the mood, the frame of mind the receiver is in. I have noticed that Graham Jones the “Internet Psychologist” schedules some of his emails to go out at 9.00am on a Monday morning. I asked Graham why this was and this is what he told me – “If you send an email over the weekend on a business issue, the person might read it on their smart phone. This means they may not respond, they might think you are a workaholic, think you have no respect for them. At 9.00am in the morning they’re more likely to be in the right mindset for work, fresh and ready to respond more favourably than at other times. Therefore the likelihood is you might get a more positive response” Thank you Graham Jones ———— “Negotiating with Liars – the secrets revealed” Click here. In my article published on Linkedin in last week I explain how to spot the lies that we are really interested in. The ones that will make a difference to our business decisions in the business negotiation process. This is what people said about the article “Particularly love the examples of questions that are often lied about, and interestingly perhaps ones we avoid because we don’t want to be lied to?” Alison Smith “Derek Arden, negotiation expert, with some great tips to help you spot when you’re being lied to. Tricky to manage in the heat of the moment, but great if you are lucky enough to have an observer on your negotiation team, who is watching the body language of your counter party.” Tiffany Kemp Please share anything that you think might be useful to “young minded people” who have an hunger to learn. Always learning, always earning. Latest briefing November 22 2016 Welcome to this briefing. Thank you for opening it and I hope you are having a very productive November. ———– Congratulations to Andy Murray on becoming the world number one. This is a fantastic achievement and of course his team of coaches, dieticians, sports psychologists, physiotherapists, masseurs and others will have played a big part in that success. We tend to forget it’s difficult to be successful without a team all pulling together to achieve a common goal. ——— As you know TEAM is also an acronym for “Together Everyone Achieves More”. Getting things done through people, working together to achieve more and getting a group buzz out of the success. Helping negotiating teams is what I do for a living and we share the results. Massive results. A business team can comprise of many parties. Both on your side and on the other side. With joint ventures it can be even more difficult to achieve a “Win Win” as there are more than two parties involved. Potentially all with differing agendas. Often internal negotiations can be more difficult to agree than external negotiations. Agreeing your negotiation positions and what make sense from a profitability point of view. A small negotiating team might comprise of you, an observer and an expert. It is pretty difficult to listen, watch the body language / the reactions of the other side when you are looking at numbers and considering the various positions. You always need an observer! Remember taking a time out / an adjournment is critical to think through and plan how you trade concessions and trade price points. Personal negotiations – Practicing personal negotiations helps you with your business negotiations. When buying something expensive why not just say? “That is a little more than I was anticipating paying, what can you do to help me?” Sign up for Quidco now! Mark is an expert on getting deals on the internet. He introduced us to Quidco. If you don’t already use it you are missing a trick. Click here You open quid go to the retailers website, buy what you need and Quidco pays you a commission they receive from the retailer! “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate” Car negotiations can be the most frustrating. Ever need help? Here is a YouTube clip that has received 107,334 views to date Click here ———— For any readers, particularly my friends in Australia and the USA who haven’t seen the John Lewis Christmas advert starring “Buster the Boxer” you might want to take a look. It has to make you smile. Click here Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people like you who have a veracious appetite to learn. Here is last week’s interview with Justin Urquhart-Stewart, my pal, the financial commentator and TV guru, talking about Brexit and our economy. You can find this and many other interesting pieces on my YouTube channel Click Here. ———— My friend Johnny Farrell was 102 on 28th October 2016. He celebrated his birthday with his family in Perth, Western Australia. I spoke to him on the phone and as usual we talked about Arsenal and their chances of winning a trophy this season. What can we learn from Johnny? Well apart from continuing to work well into his 80’s, do deals and support his extended family for as long as he could. Here is just some of John’s advice – Be generous both financially and with compliments to others. Have a positive network. Be able to sell, influence and negotiate. When you are negotiating, play your cards close to your chest. Watch the body language for reactions. Never brag. Silence is golden. Here is a picture published in the Perth Gazette – with his family and his 102nd birthday cake. ———— Silver Rose is an executive briefing reader, I met at a Speaking Convention in Phoenix several years ago, writes from Arizona (www.silverspeaks.com) on the Reptilian brain. Derek – I enjoy reading your briefing. I am not sure if your readers can use this in their work. I teach a communication technique which I call “don’t sucker punch” When we communicate something negative that the other person doesn’t see coming, the reptilian brain kicks in and it’s “fight or flight.” However to soften their thought process up, you could preface it with – “I’m going to say something now that might upset you and that’s not my intention,” the person has time to steel him / herself and the reptilian brain stays still. The reptilian brain as we know is the part of our brain that all our animals have. The part that keeps us safe, the part that is linked to our gut. This part of the brain reacts defensively to criticism – so the point Silver makes is if you are going to give out negative news, feedback or criticism. Soften the person up first. Great tip Silver. ————- Here are the slides from recent presentations on my slideshare channel. ———— Procrastination is the thief of time. Now is the time to do it – otherwise life slips away in bits and pieces before you can improve it and enjoy it. As my friend Peter Thomson says “Action is the key” ———- You may have heard the story of the three bricklayers, when asked “What are they doing” The first bricklayer says he is laying bricks, the second says he is creating a structure, and the third says he is “building a cathedral.” I’ve have always liked this type of story – because it is what is known as a reframe. Additionally stories paint pictures in our minds and access the right side of our brains, the emotional side. Milton Erikson the great psychotherapist always told stories and he was one of the most successful person in his field in his time. Even, if it was his story he would refer to “My friend John”, who of course was himself. If the outcome of the bricklaying is a cathedral or a wonderful house that families will live in for many generations, what a difference that might make to the mindset and the satisfaction of the bricklayer / Cathedral builder. Money savers of the month 1 – Switch to three for free calls and internet back to the UK from 16 countries within your UK tariff click here I have saved about £30 a month for the last six months. 2 – Switch your internet provider via Quidco. Get a better deal and get up to £140 cash back. ———- Top Tweet of the week? Has to be in reply to Nigel Farage – who upset the USA last night by Tweeting – Donald Trump winning is like Brexit. The furious replies from many Americans went, “Learn your history Nigel, our Brexit was in 1776, keep up”. ————– To access your unconscious mind and get creative ideas fast, known as Alpha state. Lie down flat, close your eyes, breathe deeply and roll your pupils upwards. Music – Why you can’t get certain songs out of your head. They are based on nursery rhymes according to scientists in a new study this week. The top three songs they have found are – 1 – Bad romance – Lady Gaga 2 – Can’t get you out of my head – Kylie ClicClick k here 3 – Don’t stop believing – Journey ————– Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn. At the annual Gala Awards Dinner for the United Kingdom and Ireland of the Professional Speakers Association, I was awarded the most prestigious award for speaking that is given in Great Britain. Here I am on stage having received the coveted Professional Speaking Association’s “Founders Award” It has only been awarded to 3 people in 18 years. It is given for three reasons. 1 – Being an outstanding speaker. 2 – Being a recognised expert in your field. 3 – For your contribution to help others speak more and speaker better. I was amazed, speechless and felt I had to share it. Thank you for your support and interest in my work, your questions which are always challenging. I hope what I share in these briefings is useful to you and your colleagues. I value the many emails, Linkedin connections and calls I get from you, sharing your stories, how you have made a difference to others. My sharing this week is a free copy of “Presenting Phenomenally” which retails at £14.97. I wrote this book a few years ago as I wanted to share what I have learnt about Presenting and Pitching. “How to present with confidence, how to present professionally and how to quickly get the key points over to the audience. ————- I am running a Presenting and Pitching webinar in December for my client “the London Institute of Banking and Finance”. It suddenly occurred to me my “presenting mentoring diary” is almost full for 2016. So if there is enough demand I will put on a bootcamp (three hours in London, on the top tips to make you look smart when in front of clients). Email me if you are interested NOW. I need to have people who are interested before asking my Executive Assistant to book a venue with all the associated costs and time involved etc. ——————– Negotiation tip – Unilever and Tesco (what can we learn?) What we have witnessed in the press over the last few days is known as a Megaphone Negotiating Tactic. However there is some subtle subliminal marketing going on at the same time, at no cost to either Unilever or Tesco! What do I mean? Unilever have imposed a price rise on Tesco due to the fall in the pound. Tesco have refused it. Unilever stop delivering product. Lose / lose tactics both exercising their Walk away positions. As you know and will have read in “Win Win” you must always have or create a walk away position. How do they resolve this? Well let’s go viral, release it to the press “it’s not our fault it is the other sides”. And via the emotional tabloids we can spin the story up. “Tesco are running short of Pot Noodle”, said the Daily Mail. You better stock up is the message. Now we hear the negotiations have been resolved – “Win Win?” What has happened. Amazing free publicity for Tesco – champion of the people!!! Amazing publicity for Pot Noodle and other Unilever related products where pictures were published in the papers and on the TV, twitter etc. The scarcity negotiation tactics has worked and sales at both Tesco and at Unilever’s products soar! Win Win for who? You could easily make a case for a conspiracy theory here, by their advisers. If you want help with your “subliminal” or regular sales, negotiating or presenting, like Tesco – Call my executive assistant Sara-Beth Reynolds on 07531 196854. ——— Be careful of the psychological phenomenon called the “Imposter Syndrome” Click here. Following the events of last week I am feeling like an imposter. We all do from time to time. The imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon that we should always be aware of. Take a look. From Twitter this week 1 – @MickJagger to @BobDylan. Congratulations from one winner to another. 2 – @derekarden to @MickJagger. From one winner to another. Sir Mick I got the PSA founders award. 3 – Make sure you have your ladder against the right wall. (too much information and too much advice means we can easily take the wrong actions in today’s ultra fast information based world) ——————— As you know – Bob Dylan won the Nobel prize for literature yesterday. My friend and my media adviser – Alan Stevens – @mediacoach says in his newsletter this morning, these are his favourite lyrics, and they come from Mr Tambourine man. Alan they are too heavy for me – “Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves. Let me forget about today until tomorrow.” ———- Personally I prefer – “The answer my friend is blowing in the wind”. Simpler and means to me “Stop, think, write the question down you want an answer to, and wait for it to come to you. It will come when you least expect it, as happened to Einstein, Edison, James Dyson etc – make sure you are ready and carry a notepad to capture it!” ———– What are your favourite? Have a fantastic weekend! Finally a big thanks to David Knight, Chris Lendrum and Geoff Leader, who a few years ago helped me negotiate my way from being a banker to an educator – with a Win Win result. Now I have the top speaking award the UK. Thank you gentlemen for your help!
BRIEFING OCTOBER 5TH 142
Welcome to this October briefing. We are now into the shorter evenings and darker mornings. This is sometimes the most productive time of the year. Make sure it is productive for you! Everyone is at work, fewer people are away and you can bank on the fact that they will want help getting things done. Everybody needs help, needs expertise and needs enthusiastic positive people. If you can be of service to others, your boss, your clients, help them get what they want, then you will be able to get what you want. Remember time and tide wait for no one. Action is the key. Why not as a reminder, wear your watch on the other hand today? I ask people to do this on my keynotes / workshops and masterclasses to remind themselves to make every minute count. Watch ————– The seat below is on the cliffs above Swanage on the Jurassic coast. A world heritage site – designated an area of outstanding beauty. On the bench, which is dedicated to a volunteer assistant coxswain for 25 years of the Swanage lifeboat, it says “Service before Self” That is a FANTASTIC statement. Take a look at the view from the sea, which is at the bottom of this briefing. I go there sometimes to sit, reflect and plan. Have you got a special place for ideas? ————– The law of sowing and reaping is a universal law. What you put out, grows and comes back to you: particularly if you do it unconditionally for nothing. You sow seeds and you reap the rewards. However the rewards don’t come from where you necessarily expect them!!! ——– Most people are too busy just doing a job, to look at how they can serve others. As some people say “job” stands for Just Over Broke. Reframe what you do as a service you provide in exchange for a negotiated payment. Yes negotiated. I was reminding 150 accountants at the CIMA (Chartered Institute of Management Accountants) annual convention last week that they work for ME Plc. They sell their knowledge, their expertise and their time in exchange for a payment. Their salary and extras. A link to the slides his below for you! If you don’t know how to negotiate your salary, read the Hotspot in Win Win – NOW! But make sure you are doing a fantastic job and serving well. BTW don’t let your boss or your clients see you reading Win Win! It’s all magic to some people. What a week of negotiations in the news – 1 – The England Football Manager claims he was a victim of entrapment. Not a victim of his own greed – after being caught negotiating a fee of £400,000 for showing people how to circumvent the rules of his employer the Football Association. The FA had just given him a £3 million a year salary and I quote “the job I have wished for all my life”. 2 – A woman in Maidstone gets a £80 fine for littering a park with bread that she is feeding to the ducks! The private firm who “polices” this had negotiated a fee for the number of fines they could issue, I expect. Was the operative on a negotiated bonus scheme? I am curious! 3 – Finally I am not going to talk about the behaviour of USA fans towards our Ryder Cup golfers. But I do think it was a bit stupid for Danny Willetts brother to blog that Americans are “fat, greedy, unwashed and charmless” adding a few other nasty words that I will not print here. This on the day his brother, as a rookie, is going to play for the Ryder Cup team for the first time. I wonder if they are talking YET! ———– This weekend at the East Midlands Convention Centre we have the annual conference of the Professional Speaking Consulting and Training Association of the UK. As Chairman of the Association for the last 3 years I have had the privilege to meet, dine and interview some of the top speakers in the world. They travel from as far as New Zealand and San Francisco to share their knowledge, experience and expertise with colleagues in the UK. All at their own expense. Some professional speakers tell me that they can’t afford the entrance fee for a three day convention of a mere £400, to up their game, as they don’t get paid enough. I wonder why they don’t get paid enough? Answers on a postcard please. ———— I have been working flat out on helping clients up the game on their negotiation skills following Brexit. Again I am told people can’t afford the fee. I say you can’t afford not to have the knowledge in today’s massively competitive environment. Here is a quote from just one client who attended a masterclass. “Firstly I’d like to repeat my appreciation of your negotiation skills course held in London in September. I came away confident in my improved skills to enter negotiation in a range of contexts. (My wife is not so impressed!) This has assisted in a current negotiation where I have agreed an additional fee of £156k, in a difficult context where the client wasn’t keen to pay us any more fee”. ———- Slides from Keynote Presentations I have made three keynote presentations in the last 10 days. 1 – At a breakfast – Best Business Group. A “Pecha Kucha” presentation on marketing. Take a look. 20 slides / 20 seconds a slide. 2 – A webinar for the new LIBF. The first one for the new “London Institute for Banking and Finance” 3 – For 150 CIMA – accountants in Cobham I have uploaded all three slide decks to Slideshare Click here to view. Top Tweets of the week on my Twitter account (@derekarden) – Follow me for more. 1 – Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most don’t use it! 2 – Wake up and smell the coffee. Life is not a rehearsal! 3 – When the tide goes out. You will see who is swimming naked! The view from the seat above Swanage! ————– Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn. Age is an attitude NOT a number. Look around at some people who are ageing so quick because they see issues as problems not opportunities.
Briefing 141 – September 2016
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight – It’s the size of the fight in the dog” Zen When you want something, how much energy do you put into it? How much enthusiasm do you have in you, to make things happen? Attitude, energy and enthusiasm often beat superior skills when people select the winning candidate at an interview. That surprises some people, but I would rather have someone who is going to go the extra mile, will call you at any time if there is an issue, than someone who says or thinks “I work 9 to 5pm”. As the old saying goes you can’t train attitude but you can train skills. ————– Negotiaphobia – (The fear of negotiating) I ran two masterclasses last week. What can I pass on about negotiaphobia? From one client and their team the key issue was – it’s not that people don’t want to negotiate, it’s often they don’t feel they have the tools to do it. The second one was that they hadn’t picked up the subtle psychological techniques that make a “win win” negotiation. What’s the antidote to Negotiaphobia. Give me a call and see if we can schedule a session with your team or with you personally before the New Year. I have two dates left and JUST one open session in London. This is my sales negotiation masterclass. Click here One client has banked more than a £1m extra over the three years we have been working together. Cash is king for the successful business. ————- Why you must understand emotions when negotiating! Sarah Fox the 500 word lawyer wrote an article for my blog about “the emotional cycle in Negotiating”. I hadn’t particularly studied the emotional cycle in negotiating until Sarah brought it to my attention. It follows the Kubler-Ross model of grieving which is important to understand when you help people who are upset. It is here Click here This is an extract from the article that links to the bargaining chapter in win win – “Derek’s Step 10, bargaining, is right in the middle of the emotional curve. This is why advice to ‘concede first’ is woefully inadequate for many negotiations. You need to assess the emotional state of your fellow Negotiator. She may have already moved through the rejection and resentment phases before your meeting or she may be starting that journey. Until she does, bargaining is ineffective and can back-fire”. ———– Now is a good time to remind ourselves that we can all get emotional in a negotiation from time to time. Here are three reasons – 1 – We think we are being attacked or 2 – We think they are being unfair or 3 – We just don’t like the other side and the way they behave. ———– With “Heated Negotiations” – use facts, not threats!!! We don’t always act rationally. Often a seemingly friendly discussion can turn ugly. If you and the other side are not seeing eye to eye, don’t push the other side person by threatening them. Instead, do everything you can to share your understanding of the facts as you see them. Rather than saying, “If we don’t agree – see you in court”. You might say “We do both want a win win here, don’t we? You will remember this is a statement; followed by a YES tag question. They are very powerful! (for more see chapter 8, page 80 of Win Win). OR you might say “I have to protect our interests, why don’t we see how we can work this out for our mutual benefit? If you go to court the winners usually are the legal eagles. —————— Rocks, pebbles, sand and wine Here is a new take on the old parable which reminds us to take care of the important things in life, the rocks. The things that really matter our family, our friends and our health. Click here to read the short article After all no one ever said as they went to heaven, “I wish I had spent more time in the office” Here is the full article Click here A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks – rocks about 2″ in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of small pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognise that this is your life. 1 – The rocks are the important things – your family, your health, and your real friends, things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full! 2 – The pebbles are the other things that matter such as your job, your house, and your car. 3 – The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there’s no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you’ll never have room for the things that are important to you. “Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take time to keep fit. There’ll always be time to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the washing machine. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.” But then a mature student took the jar, which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in some wine. Of course the wine filled the remaining spaces and soaked into the sand within the jar, making the jar truly full. Which proves that no matter how full your life is, there’s always room for a glass of wine! —————- Top Tweets of the week, that got liked by my followers on Twitter – 1 – 94% of what we worry about never happens! 2 – Common sense isn’t as common as we thought! 3 – Be wiser than other people but don’t tell them so! www.twitter.com/derekarden This briefing is sent to people who I have worked with before. I look forward to working with you again! Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn.
Someone once said the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. The alternative version is – “If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got”. If you are not happy, not getting what you want, not moving towards your goals; then change what you are doing and see if you get a different result. Sign up now for a mini negotiation masterclass in Central London. How to make more money, save more money by Negotiating like a Pro. Tell your friends and colleagues. Click Here Mentors are vital I have had many mentors in my life and I have mentored many people. There is no secret formula with mentoring. It can be formal, informal, paid, unpaid or even just a casual coffee or glass of wine. However there are some basic rules – 1 – Both parties have to like each other and respect each other. 2 – This requires persuasion skills on the part of the mentee, or nothing will happen. 3 – The mentee has to make it easy for mentor, meet them when and where convenient, seek them out to help and be very respectful of their valuable time. The mentee should always offer to buy the first drink if appropriate. 4 – The mentee should come prepared with some key questions and be ready to take action on the answers they get. 5 – An immediate thank you email should be sent with a summary of the actions. ———- One of my mentors – Patricia Fripp is in the UK on holiday and to help her brother Robert Fripp who is the lead guitarist in King Crimson. They are playing three concerts in Aylesbury. Patricia has just been voted one of the top 10 sales coaches and presenters in the USA for 2016. So I picked her up at 6.20 am off the Washington flight at Heathrow on Monday and drove her to Wimborne, to stay with her friends. Some might say how crazy is that! Others might say Wow – so she was in your car for two hours, what did you learn and what ideas did you get? The answer is an amazing amount, which I will share in later briefings. ————- Win Win in Foyles in Waterloo last week, next to “Rock your Presentations”. I just had to take a photo of it as it reminded me that your pitch and your presentations have to be first class to get the clients interested or you will never get to the negotiation table to close the deal. ———— Power Presenting Last week one of my clients asked me to help them with a presentation they were doing in Doha, Qatar this week. We applied the What, Why, How test to each slide. Asking these questions – What will this slide tell the client? Why is it relevant? How will it help win the pitch? If there is any doubt then sharpen the slide up or delete it. We added a power executive summary slide at the beginning. Then the USP’s, several relevant stories and the value proposition focused on the client within the body of the presentation. Finally a power summing up slide at the end asking for the business and explaining why it should be us, compared to the competition. I reminded my client that they needed to rehearse the presentation with their local Doha colleagues the day before and clearly define the roles, seating plan and who was going to control the meeting. So what else might you takeaway from this? Firstly make sure you have defined, in laser focused terms, the objectives of the presentation and the outcome you want. Then prepare your presentation and the slides. Need any help with your presentations let me know? ——– How to double your reading speed, instantly. Article from Linkedin – Click here ———- Just ask We were flying to Canada last month on a Sunday afternoon. We were at Heathrow about to go through security, when a member of the Professional Speaking Association sent me a Tweet asking if they could have a few minutes of my time on a personal negotiation. I tweeted back “What was their mobile number?” and I would call them before I got on the plane, which I did. I listened carefully to their story and gave this negotiation advice – 1 – Do your research. Proper preparation prevents pretty poor performance! 2 – Be careful with the use of lawyers (they had already run up a large bill with one meeting). It’s often better to meet the other side and see how you can work things out at a neutral venue than wind the situation up with expensive lawyers. 3 – Calculate your Best position, Target Position, Walk away position and if you did Walk away what will be your Alternative position and what will that mean in costs and psychic energy. When I got back from Canada they called me to thank me for the advice which had worked. But then sent me this thank you card with a great note inside. Mel personal negs With 1999 followers on Twitter – I thought I would list here the top three Tweets that got liked by readers this week 1 – Never let someone who has done nothing, tell you how to do something. 2 – Life would be very dull if we were all the same. 3 – Inspiration is like nutrition. We need daily doses of it to keep us fired up. If my number 2000 follower is a briefing reader – you get an electronic copy of Presenting Phenomenally with my compliments. ————– Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn. Age is an attitude NOT a number. Look around at some people who are ageing so quick because they see issues as problems not opportunities. —————————————————– FREE chapter in “Win Win – on ACTIVE DISCIPLINED LISTENING a critical business skill for 2016 for you to download Click here Have an absolutely fantastic September. 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Briefing 139 – August 15th
I think Picasso’s quote, “Find your gift and then give it away” -means everyone is really motivated at doing certain things. Therefore become an expert at your gift and then teach / show others how to do it. Now your gift may not be what you get paid to do each day, it often isn’t. However we can all find time to do what we are passionate about, become the expert and then share it with others. We will certainly get a big boost of endorphins as we do what we are passionate about. There is no doubt you learn more about the subject when you teach it to others and answer their questions. Some of which you could never anticipate. That’s what I enjoy about teaching. ————- NEGOTIAPHOBIA – No not a word I made up! A word I came across when I was studying negotiation at the Harvard Business School. According to the Professor who came up with the word, it means ‘Most people have a natural dislike of negotiating, caused by a lack of skill, a fear of being turned down and a lack of confidence’. The trouble is we have to negotiate to get the best deals for us and the business we work for. Not forgetting our friends and family. So by request I am going to repeat for once only the workshop “How to avoid Negotiaphobia and make more money, save more money and have increased business and personal relationships”. Click here to book 20th September in Central London. Send some of your colleagues and I guarantee they will come back with a new found confidence to avoid Negotiaphobia. ————- We have just returned from a fantastic trip across Canada. All the way from Montreal to Vancouver Island by land, by rail and by plane There is nothing like travel to observe what is going on in other parts of the world, in other cultures and to get other people’s perspectives on events. There were three things that struck me that I would like to share – 1 – The importance of first impressions. As a tourist it seemed people were more positive and more friendly the further west we went. Vancouver Island got full marks. It’s much easier to remember places and people when they create that positive first impression. We got a dreadful welcome to Montreal by an obnoxious, young gum chewing customs officer. Who seem to want to give us the impression that he clearly didn’t want to be there and we were just an inconvenience to his life. We thought to ourselves, what an interesting welcome to three tourists who are going to spend money in your country. 2 – Tipping for good service is normal practice across North America. Despite any scepticism we Brits might have, it does seem to create a motivated people with a positive attitude. A positive reward culture is beneficial in the big picture. How do you reward outstanding work in your business? It’s worth a long hard think, as if you don’t reward the high achievers they will move on and you will be left with the people who can’t move on!!! 6 – Canadian book shops. They seem to contain many more books on positivity, motivation and success than we have here in the UK. I bought a magazine called “Success Magazine” which comes out monthly. Next to it was another book by a favourite author and speaker of mine, Brian Tracy. This is called the ABC of Success. I find it fascinating that there is not the demand for these types of books here that talk about, “How to be more successful”. Crazy, isn’t it? —————- Time management question for August – If you were called away for a month and could do just one task. What would it be? —————- The Olympics finish this week. Everyone wants to win a gold medal, but only a few can. The representing of your country at an Olympic games is a huge honour and the pinnacle of your sports career as Justin Rose said last night. Although no one wants to aim for bronze, at the end of the day, when the athletes reflect on their life, being there will be the most important factor. As Cervantes said “It’s the journey not the destination”. Go for gold in your life, you might be surprised in what you achieve. If you set a low goal the danger is you achieve it and wonder what you might have achieved if you had set a higher goal. So set a high goal and if you achieve 80% of it, you will surely achieve much more than if you had set the easy goal. ————– My Australian speaker friend, reader and business colleague Winston Marsh has written about one of the power tools of presenting. THE POWER OF THREE. Here is Winno’s take on it from the other side of the world. Click here Wikipedia says “The rule of three or the power of three is a principle that suggests that things that come in threes are funnier, more satisfying, or more effective than other numbers of things” From a business perspective clients can absorb more points in threes. Three points has a rhythm and as a psychological principle more than 50% of people have in motivational strategy terms “A three times convincer”. In other words if they hear or see something three times they are more likely to buy it or be convinced by it. ————– In France, for company’s with more than 50 employees, it is now illegal to send emails out of office hours. I had to read this twice to believe it. However the psychologist, Graham Jones writes that this might actually boost productivity, as people will be less stressed, be able to make better decisions when at work and will spend more time with their family. I am not so sure it would boost my productivity and wondered what you thought? ————— So here are three of my favourite sayings 1 – Every problem is an opportunity. 2 – Like nutrition, we need motivation in daily doses to live a healthy life. 4 – Don’t wrestle with a pig. You will both get dirty and the pig will enjoy it. ——————- Please share anything that you think might be useful to young minded people who have a veracious appetite to learn.
BRIEFING NUMBER 138
“Keep calm and carry on” said Winston Churchill throughout the biggest crisis this country has ever faced in May 1940. Reminding ourselves of these issues perhaps puts into perspective the challenges of today – Click here ———– Brexit means Brexit. But as a negotiator I am curious to know what it really means! Despite all the hype that has followed the referendum, we have voted out. We will never know whose view was right at the time but I am reminded of the saying “There are three sides to everything, mine, yours and the right one” ————– “We are where we are; the past is history”. So we must now look forward. That is why in our cars we have a massive windscreen to look forward and a small rear view mirror to look at what is behind us! ————— So lets take a look at where we are from a Negotiating standpoint. If we had remained we would probably not have had a negotiating position. We would have been bound by everything that comes out of Brussels and Strasbourg, from the unelected EU. By voting Brexit, we have created a negotiation position and some power. Angela Merkel said yesterday she would press for a business as usual approach to trade with the UK after Brexit. That seems to make sense, we are the fifth largest economy in the world and a large net importer of German goods. Cars and trains come quickly to my mind. We can exercise “Article 50” when we like. It’s in our power not at the whim of Jean-Claude Juncker (click here) or the French, who are saying we have to do it immediately. They might think it is their interests to get rid of us as fast as possible and make an example of us. I hope the Negotiators who will be negotiating the best possible position for the UK have read “Win Win” as I refer in there to one negotiation I undertook in Paris where the French used every conceivable psychological negotiation tactic to get us to concede our position immediately. Time is a powerful negotiating tactic as 80% of the concessions usually come in the last 20% of the negotiating time. Hence we are being asked by some countries to invoke article 50 immediately, which means that we are then up against a time pressure of 2 years to agree the terms. Now despite what we are told, we can have off the record conversations, often referred to as corridor meetings for as long as we like. ————– Presenting Skills – Power of Three – Theresa May I was driving to Swanage on Monday morning and was listening to Theresa May’s speech on the radio why she should be our next Prime Minister. I wasn’t particularly listening to the content but for the style and the use of the power of three. Wow, the way she presented it was amazing. It was clear, concise and persuasive. Short, sharp and succinct. Taking about 17 minutes which is the length of a TED talk, which is considered to be about the maximum for effectiveness. Now here is the interesting bit. Ten minutes later there was an unsubstantiated tweet, at 11.30 am, saying Andrea Leadsom was withdrawing from the contest (in negotiating tactics terms this is both a softening up tactic and mega-phone tactic). So there was no surprise when she read out a very well constructed passionate speech, why she was withdrawing at 12.05 pm, to the world’s media. ———– Congratulations to Wales TEAM – Together Everybody Achieves More. As a sports fan, I am curious about the contrast between the results of the England football team compared with the Welsh football team. Wales punched well above their weight, working together for the common good of the team, putting their ego’s away and connecting with the fans in such an amazing way. Producing a real win win result. Wales has a population of 4 million to choose from, England 58 million. It reminded me of the game of two board noughts and crosses which many of you have played on my workshops and have read about in chapter three of Win Win. 2 + 2 can make 16 with the right team dynamics! ———– Finally – Many thanks to Lee Cornell an assistant director of strategic planning in the NHS who writes, “Thanks for the latest Executive Briefing, Derek (and all of the others which have preceded it!). They are like an oasis of positivity arriving in my inbox and a regular reminder to keep reframing issues in a positive light. Lee here is a reminder of the A-Z of positive words from page 194 of Win Win click here in case you or any other readers ever need a quick fix of positivity! —————————————————–
Welcome to this June briefing. We are at the longest day of the year and a good time to notice more about what is going on around you. I remember attending the US speaker’s convention in New Orleans a while ago and a mega speaker who had written many books said “We need to notice more and to note more”. What he was saying is that people who notice more things, spot more opportunities that others miss. Adding to this he went on to say that to take advantage of what you notice, you need to note down what you discover in your journal, note book or electronic device as a reminder for another time. (What we note down, tends to stay with us in our memory according to the psychologists). To book for masterclass 28th June Which brings me on to LUCK There are several books on LUCK – and many definitions of LUCK. Two of my favourite definitions are – 1 – “When preparation meets opportunity”. 2 – “Labour under correct knowledge”. The serious writers on luck, all suggest you will only be LUCKY if you work hard. This is my experience and why I wrote a whole chapter in “Win Win” on the power of preparation. Luck doesn’t come to those who sit around waiting for something to turn up. Luck comes to those who get out there and make things happen. As Brian Tracy said – “Don’t be in your back garden looking for a four leaf clover when opportunity comes knocking on your front door” So here are some tips about LUCK 1 – Have a relaxed attitude and be open to new experiences 2 – Listen to your intuition. What is your body telling you, how do you feel about a situation? 3 – Expect good fortune. Those who expect positives generally get positives. (A universal law). 4 – Lucky people expect their interaction with other people to be positive 5 – Turn bad luck into good. “Every problem is an opportunity” 6 – Reframe negatives into positives. Try this TEST – what does it say? OPPORTUNITYISNOWHERE Decide where you are going to put the spaces in these letters to make sense and particularly where you attach the W. ———— Game changers aren’t LUCKY – they continue to work on their skills constantly. Game changers are people who make a difference to situations and to people. I have met many game changers in my life, and the older I get, the more I seek them out for their wisdom and their advice. Who are the game changers in your life? How can you be a game changer for others? ————– We are just 8 days away from this year’s summer Afternoon masterclass. Someone asked me, “Why are you running an afternoon session, with all the difficulties of the organising and logistics; when you can just work as a consultant or a keynote speaker? Well here is the answer! So many people work for themselves in 2016, work on their own or work for a company that provides no training budget or no self development. So I thought, for those people who wanted to improve themselves I would run a live session. So we will have a small group of people on the programme. People who have decided to put some time aside for themselves, for some self-development and wishing to share a room with like minded energetic people who have clear goals to improve themselves Click here for details and to book. If you can’t make it yourself, please could you pass this on to someone who might benefit. I will guarantee the early bird price for any friends of readers of this briefing. The three things I can say for certain is – 1 – We will have some fun 2 – The fun will be with the serious intent of you leaving with some massive takeaways. It will be high energy. 3 – I will share the inside track on some secrets that will make a big difference going forward. —————– Did you decide if you were a player or a spectator? In the last edition I posed this question. Did you go out and take some action that will make a difference to you and to others? Players are game changers. They take time out to help others and they know one of the most rewarding satisfying things anyone can do, is make a difference to others. ———— Do you notice tail wagging in others? I came across this story in Readers Digest some years ago – A stranger walks into a bar in town and notices a dog playing poker. He asks the dog’s owner, if the dog is any good at poker? The answer comes back – “No, hopeless, every time she gets a good hand, she wags her tail” 1 – Poker players have learnt to notice subtle changes in body language when playing poker. 2 – High achievers and business people have learnt how to be good negotiators. 3 – Good negotiators and business people have learnt how to notice and interpret body language. According to research, it is 5 times more difficult to conceal the truth with your body language than it is with the words. ————– SOCIAL MEDIA – I spoke at the Office Club conference in Stratford On Avon last weekend on social media. Particularly how you can use it to market your business. I was explaining that in addition to using Linkedin, Twitter and Facebook. YouTube can be very powerful. My own YouTube channel works very well for me take a look – www.youtube.com/derekarden Three videos have had 113,875 views out of 123,936
Welcome to this June briefing. I hope you are doing very well. It’s one year, on 15th of June, since “Win Win – How to get a winning result from persuasive negotiations” was published in 14 countries. The book got to number three in the business book charts in September, received 38 positive reviews on Amazon and I have just taken delivery of another 500 copies for clients. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for supporting me in one way or another. —————– Afternoon masterclass – There are three early bird tickets left for the inspirational negotiation masterclass, on the afternoon of 28th June in Central London. If you know anyone who might benefit, please pass on the details or send them to this link. Click here. The three things I can guarantee are – 1 – I will share some simple secrets that I have learnt in 20 years as a professional negotiator. 2 – You will get back the investment you make in attending within 6 weeks, if you follow the simple system. 3 – We will have some fun. Included in the day are 1 – A signed copy of “Win Win” 2 – A download for the DVD Everything is Negotiable for playing on your computer 3 – An audio download for your car or the train. All worth £120. At the end I will share our son’s negotiating strategy, when he saved us £500 on this year’s Sky and Broadband packages. Just that will be worth coming for! —————– Are you a player or a spectator? This is a question I was reminded of last week by a friend of mine. Players make things happen and spectators watch things happen. (In addition the spectators usually criticise the players) It was Tom Peters who said there are three types of people. 1 – People who make things happen! 2 – People who watch things happen! 3 – People who wonder what happened! Take a moment to think about where you are at the moment and where you should be. ———— The word negotiation covers almost every area of interpersonal skills. Someone did a study which said; at work we are in conflict up to 25% of the time. This might be with suppliers, colleagues, clients and so on. I first got into studying negotiating by accident, after I was asked to leave a meeting at Tesco’s for not reducing the price on a £1m contract. That’s when I realised that even though I thought my negotiation skills were good, they weren’t. The more I learnt about the subject the more in demand I became, both as a speaker and an advisor. We are being reminded in the media all the time, that we are surrounded by people negotiating in one way or another. You can increase your skills by watching and analysing the tactics that are played out in the media. This negotiating tactic is called MEGAPHONE NEGOTIATING (MN). MN is where information is deliberately or not, leaked or spun to the media in a certain way. Here are two current negotiation situations where perhaps MN tactics are being used to influence the outcome. 1 – Brexit – Radio 4 this morning said that no one knows the real truth. We need the truth when we are negotiating. Here is the exclusive 2 minute interview that commentator Justin Urquhart Stewart did for my YouTube channel on Brexit. It’s not as aggressive as Andrew Neil was to the Chancellor of the Exchequer last night, on the BBC. Click here We have to look beyond what people are saying, look at their personal agendas before we make decisions in business, in negotiations and in life. 2 – “Dr Eva Carneiro turns down £1.2m” . This is the headline on Tuesday morning’s newspapers. That morning the former Chelsea Football Club doctor goes back into court to reveal some more insights into the club’s behaviour. In the afternoon she gets a reported £5m settlement. She must have had some powerful facts to reveal about Chelsea’s behaviour towards her. Click here In this case, taking Chelsea to the steps of the court on the second day brought them to settle and presumably they got her to agree not to publish what happened in a Sunday newspaper. Finally – Here are my other recent interviews with Justin Urquhart Stewart 1 – For the UK economy Click here 2 – For the world economy including the USA, Europe and China Click here You can’t make it up – John Hotowka a friend of mine shared this story with me from the BBC website. In the Yorkshire seaside town of Whitby people have been worried that seeing a red sticker on the tyres of your car, meant that someone had been sussing out where valuable dogs lived; with a view to stealing them. After an investigation by the police it turned out that the stickers indicated the heaviest part of the tyre and were put there by the tyre manufacturer. – Click here and scroll down to the fourth item.
Thank you for opening this briefing. I hope things are going well for you and you have a great weekend. I am holding an afternoon Negotiating Masterclass on 28th June in Central London. If you know of anybody this might help – please pass it on. If they need to upgrade their negotiating skills to get that better job, earn more money, increase sales or just to save some costs then this is a afternoon not to miss. I will share what I have learnt from over 25 years as a professional negotiator, author and teacher. Fast track skills, with real life stories. No role plays, just education.lick here Whatever experience or age, this is an one off opportunity to upgrade negotiation skills and earn some valuable CPD points. For details, early bird tickets (only 5 left) and to book Click here “You don’t get what you deserve you get what you Negotiate” —————————————————— Justin Urquhart-Stewart talks exclusively on Brexit Last week I met with Justin in his offices at Seven Investment Management. As you may know Justin is one of the best known and best respected commentators on financial matters in the UK. As an old friend he spoke exclusively to me about his views on Brexit Click here. ———————————————————– If you like this, then Justin also comments on other key questions here www.YouTube/derekarden 1 – For the UK economy Click here 2 – For the world economy including the USA, Europe and China Click here ————————————————————— Where you sit at a meeting can determine the influence you have! 1 – Sitting next to the chair person means you can easily chip in as people will be looking in your general direction. 2 – Sitting almost opposite the chair person means you can catch their eye easily. 3 – If you are in a less powerful position at the bottom of the table, you may have to shift your body language / posture to catch people’s attention, and it will be more difficult to make an impact. —————————————————————– Motivation Tip of the week I was reading this week about dividing what you say and what you hear into positives and negatives. When you do this just feel what effect that has on you. Listen to your body, how you feel. This simple psychological technique of reframing can be very effective. So when you hear or read a negative statement (N). Turn it into a positive (P) Here are three examples – We have so many problem customers (N). Every problem is an opportunity. An opportunity to meet with the customer and solve the issue (P) I am worried about Brexit (N) We live in one of the richest countries in the world, whatever happens we will be well off (P) It is going to rain at the weekend (N). This gives me a fantastic chance to sort out all my papers, that I have been meaning to do and then go to the cinema (P). By turning negatives into positives you increase your energy, you transmit your energy to others and you feel better. This is a choice, your choice (P). Remember turn the N’s into P’s. —————————————————- As someone once said “The past is history and the future is a mystery! So make the most of the present – today.” That is why it is called a present!
Briefing 134 – May 2016
Thank you for opening this briefing. I hope things are going really well for you. ————- I had three meetings yesterday and I would like to share with you a little of what I learnt. When I say learnt, I mean learnt, re-learnt or saying “WOW” to yourself. “Why haven’t I done that before!” As we know, re-learning is remembering all those things that we had forgotten. —————- My first meeting was for breakfast in Cranleigh with Philip Calvert. Philip, like myself, is a Fellow of the Professional Speaking Association. However he is a specialist in social media. We discussed some new tips for getting the most out of LinkedIn. LinkedIn is our online CV that anyone can look at, at any time. Phil reminded me about “key words”. Make sure the five top key words that describe what you do, are in the each header on the home page in LinkedIn” Why? Because this makes your home page much more search engine friendly. Click here ————- Then I had lunch in the committee room, which is the inner sanctum of Lords Cricket Ground, with Geoff Norris former President of Middlesex Cricket Club. Geoff was my manager at my first job from school; Barclays, Harrow on the Hill branch. I was reminded that Geoff taught me – “To think things through quickly and then deal with issues fast”. Here is Geoff with Andrew Strauss. Having lunch on our table was one of my schoolboy hero’s, John Murray. John was the England wicket keeper between 1961 and 1967 and he holds the record for the number of catches and stumping for Middlesex, over 2000. John, like me, is a Londoner and was born within a few miles of Lords, in North West London. John had a habit of touching his wicket keeping gloves together and then touching his cap with both hands, before he stood up to the bowling. In those days there was no such thing as sports psychologists, who would call that anchoring. It was just a routine that worked for John. I shook John’s hand, spoke to him for 15 minutes and thanked him for my memories. John Murray – the wicket keepers – wicket keeper What anchors / habits are you using daily and hourly to keep you in a positive state, sharp and focused? ————– In the evening I attended a dinner in dining room one, of the House of Commons, where The Right Honourable Theresa May the Home Secretary addressed an audience of 50 business people. She had announced new immigration measures yesterday and she had a very very long day. As a professional speaker myself, I was looking at her professionalism in speaking. I was impressed how sharp and engaging she was and also how well dressed she was! The introducer reminded us of her massive responsibilities as Home Secretary. What struck me was that wherever she goes in her political and private life, she is accompanied by 2 armed guards. Someone asked her “How does she feel at the check-out in Sainsbury?” She replied “Safe” to laughter and applause. Mrs May was running late from one meeting and had to leave at 9.15pm for her next briefing, which made me think about the pressures of her job and how would I cope with it? How do you keep on top of the pressures that you have, and if you imagined you were the Home Secretary what different behaviours would you employ? ———– That’s almost it for this briefing. Except that someone said to me this week that they couldn’t afford to pay me the modest fee I was asking for a negotiation masterclass. I said that I guaranteed to get them their money back in 4 weeks and the rest was profit for the next 20 years and then added “How can you not afford me?” ——— Matt Crabtree is a friend of mine and a hugely successful business man. He is running a half day for people who are working or interested in working as a consultant. Which of course could include any of us who have an expertise. I am hoping to be there myself and here is a link if you are interested in learning from Matt – Click here It will be a worthwhile morning, I am sure. ——-
Welcome to this week’s briefing April 28th 2016. It’s a lovely sunny spring day here in Guildford. —————– “There are two sides to everything no matter how thinly you slice it” J.P. Morgan said it; the founder of the bank that bears his name. However for a Win Win negotiation situation I say perhaps, “There are three sides to everything. Yours, mine and the right one”! It is always a smart move to stand back and review the situation from all three standpoints. Why not sleep on it, before you do that, if it is important. Someone once said, “Wisdom is a combination of experience and reflection”. ——— What is the cost of not negotiating? – When writing “Win Win” I did some work on how much it might be costing people in the UK. For a small business the cost could be as much as £75,000 over 5 years. Amazing you might say, however it can mean the difference between doing really well, just surviving or even going bankrupt. I am in the middle of writing a special report examining the cost of not negotiating, in more depth. The initial findings are staggering. The Return on Investment on just a one day fast track masterclass or workshop can be more than £43,500 over a 6 month period. Nearly an ROI of nearly £100,000 for a day of your team’s time over a year. And yet often HR departments look at it as a cost rather than an investment. ————- Negotiating is not just about money! I was privileged to speak on Tuesday at the South West of England NHS Safeguarding Conference. The conference is aimed at doctors, nurses and ambulance people, who do such a difficult and amazing job, trying to make sure that vulnerable children and adults are not abused. For some rather strange reason, often people in these types of roles think negotiating is just about money. Of course it isn’t! We are negotiating all the time. For example – for resources, for time off, to go on training courses, to persuade people to do things they are not keen on and additionally with our friends and our partners. In the case of these healthcare professionals who have huge responsibilities. They are negotiating all the time for resources from the NHS, the local authority and the government. Negotiating with parents, with social services, with the police and with children, to name just a few. The course leaders June and Jane asked me to cover the key issues of influencing, persuading, conflict management, reading body language and conditional bargaining to help these experts do their job even better. ————- Feedforward – Thank you for your extensive comments from the last edition (No. 132) on feedforward. Feedforward is the quality information given by someone who knows you, knows what they are doing and will help you improve. Lynn a newsletter reader from the Isle of Man and head of learning and development for a large company writes “It is essential that anyone who will be trusted to provide feedback in the working environment is deemed capable and emotionally intelligent. So training and development of this skill is essential for organisations to use it effectively. It is also very important that the feedforward is based on facts and not just someone’s opinion”. —————– Experts who speak conference – I have always been passionate about professional presentations from experts on their specialist subject. Last week I attended the Professional Speaking Association’s spring convention. There were 120 professional speakers giving up a Saturday learning how to improve their skills, their knowledge and their speaking business. By meeting, listening to and questioning other successful people, we discover ideas that we hadn’t even considered. “We become who we spend the most time with” Dr Nido Qubein So consider what groups of people do you associate with? Choose the right people and you will learn a great deal to help you succeed. ———– Power words and phrases that drill down for information AND do not offend! 1 – Curious – I am curious where you are coming from. 2 – “I feel as if….. there is more to this that I need to understand, how can you help me? 3 – “I am wondering…….” In all three cases, after you have asked the question, the key to success, is to hold the silence and wait for the response. Even if it takes a few minutes! ——– Action is the key that unlocks opportunities If you are waiting for everything to be finished perfectly, you may never achieve anything. We have been revamping my website. Keith my webmaster, Tom his son, Daniel who works with me; all under my careful guidance. We haven’t got it 100% right yet, but we have launched it. If you get a chance to look at it and give me any feedforward that would be amazing. Graham Jones the internet psychologist says it is so important that there are no mistakes in a website as it makes the wrong first impression. So if you spot anything, let me know. We have looked at it for so long, perhaps, “We can’t see the wood for the trees”. www.derekarden.com Jargon of the week – “Hot debriefing”. This is when you immediately debrief any situation, as soon as it is over, so you can be even better next time. ————- I receive a number of newsletters and briefings each month. I only subscribe to the one’s that give me powerful information. Justin Urquhart-Stewart’s is one of these and I particularly liked this one Click here ———– Mine’s an Americano with hot skimmed milk said the goat after it wandered into Starbucks Click here for the video. You can usually find me in Starbucks Burpham at 7.45am most mornings, being served by Tom, Josh, Angie and Heidi. If you want to call me informally about any negotiating situation you might be reflecting on, please do. No charge, just a skinny Americano please.
BRIEFING 132 April 12th
I have been asked by several readers to give my personal experiences on feedback or as I prefer to call it feedforward and how it can be used to maximise the potential in people.”What got you here, won’t get you there”. This is a title of a very good book by expert coach Marshall Goldsmith. I thoroughly recommend it. Goldsmith cleverly highlights the issue and says there is only one type of feedback (positive towards the future, rather than negative towards the past). That is feedforward couched in the language that says – “This is what you might consider doing, adjustments you might make, to make you even better”. Lets have a look at three types of feedback 1 – Sandwich feedback – a method which, became popular a few years ago. You give the person praise, then you give them the negative (developmental points) and then you give them praise at the end and hopefully send them away motivated. I quite like this style as long as the developmental points are coached carefully by someone who knows what they are doing! 2 – Group feedback – When you run a course, speak at an event and whilst in the feedback forms a couple of people criticise you. For some crazy reason even the top speakers / trainers in the world tend to focus on the negatives. I discussed this with two of the top speakers in the USA, while I was over there, and they told me they never read the feedback forms themselves. They get someone else to read them, and if there is anything in there that some people think they might adjust to make them even better in the future; they are advised. If not they don’t want to read negative feedback from an anonymous person who has had no training on the subject and no training on the finer points on how to present. Lets be realistic 5% – 10% of people will never like what we do – however well we do it” 3 – Harry Redknapp style of feedback. I spoke with Frank Lampard Senior at a dinner where I was the MC. I asked him what was it like working with Harry Redknapp (Frank was Harry’s assistant for many years at West Ham) and how did Harry motivate and provide feedback, so well to footballers in his many teams. Frank told me “It’s simple, some people need praise and some people need criticism, to fire them up”. The skill is getting it right for the individual at the right time. Harry has a knack of getting that right. What can we learn from that advice? Choose your style for the individual concerned. “Horses for courses” as my Dad used to say. ———— Here is a simple and effective way of coaching feedforward. However it does take time, thought and positioning. 1 – Ask the person on a scale of 1—-10 where they are on a developmental point. Generally people will say somewhere between 6 – 8. If they say 10 or 2 (at the extremes; ask them what basis did they assess themselves like that – and listen acutely) Some interesting answers will come out. 2 – Then ask them what would it take to be a 9 or a 10. Hold the silence until they answer. Use the “anything else” question. 3 – Listen and feed in any development points in a supportive way. Check to see if they understand. Ask them to report back at your next one to one session. Just some of the mistakes many people make – Handing over other peoples feedback without any explanation. Not sensitising it to the person. Not listening to their responses. Not giving examples and then mentoring the person how to adjust their style. Not having a follow up one to one. Feedforward is very powerful and can be very personal. Please let me have any of your feedforward from my thoughts for future editions. Thank you. ————- I am speaking in Leeds on Thursday morning at a breakfast seminar for the IFS University College. If you would like to come drop me an email. If you do please come and say hello afterwards, I will be answering questions and signing books. Click here
Briefing 131 – March 30th 2016
The clocks went forward here last weekend to British summer time. It was Ben Franklin the USA ambassador in Paris in 1784 who first suggested daylight saving time to save candles in Paris. However we didn’t follow suit until 21st May 1916, to save fuel during the first world war and we have never changed, despite the vastly different circumstances. Click here for more details. ————- Everything is Negotiable – Running a masterclass last week, one of the senior delegates summed up at the end by saying, “I have got this much more in perspective. Everything we do from presenting, pitching, selling, influencing, haggling is part of the negotiation process. I can now see why it is so important to get it right to continue our long term win win relationships with our clients. The psychology of negotiating sits right in the middle of the interpersonal skills process of getting on with people. If we look after the customer, the customer will look after our results” ————- What do we mean by modern psychology? I have been fascinated by modern psychology and its link to negotiating over the last 25 years. It comes in various guises and labels but I believe the simplest way to explain it is around sports psychology. Until 50 years ago the role of psychologists was solely to try and get people who had psychological issues back to normal. Whatever normal was! Then the high achieving / sports movement looked at the work of the psychologists and asked the question “How can we use this research to make high performers, perform even better than they are doing already? Various fancy names and labels were given to some of the techniques and behaviours that are obvious to some people and not even on the radar of others. Labels such as (NLP) neuro-linguistic programming – (EQ) – emotional intelligence (CBT) cognitive behavioural therapy – the list goes on. In fact the latest label is called “mindfulness”. Having read many readable books on the subject and studied some of the best brains in the world; I have come to the conclusion that most of it is easily usable by most of us – if we want to use it. In fact it could be called common sense. However many of us have found that common sense is not very common in 2016 So here are a few tips from the modern psychologists – 1 – Hang around smart positive people. You become who you spend the most time with. Things rub off from other people. If you stick around negative people (the CAN’T doers) who spend their time moaning, complaining and grumbling – you become like them. If you stick around positive people (the CAN doers) then you become more like them. Just like smiling and yawning; it’s catching. 2 – Momentum is key – This is why a team that is doing well continues to do well, when it has momentum. Lets take Leicester City Football Club (who have defied all the odds to lead and probably win the Premiership) . They have momentum. Jamie Vardy their centre forward, continued the momentum he has had for Leicester City, playing for England on Saturday night with a sensational goal. Even if you have no interest in football you have to admire what happened Click here. 3 – Anchoring – The psychologists tell us we never forget anything. It’s the recall that’s the hard part and the high emotional experiences in our lives are the ones that we recall the most easily We can anchoring to remember a positive powerful emotional experience and anchor it with touch. Click here for an article which explains this technique and shows how Jonny Wilkinson uses the power of anchoring to successfully kick tries in Rugby. In the article they talk about a wrist band you can use for anchoring. This is unnecessary. If sports people can anchor themselves by touch, then we can. “What’s the difference between Can’t and Can? The “T” so press the delete key on the T and you become a “can do” person. ————– We were away the week before last in Switzerland. We had a swiss rail pass and had an extraordinary time. We stayed one night in the Hotel Schweizerhof in Luzern. We noticed on their drinks glasses they had printed “Empathy and Excellence” as the hotels motto. I have never seen that before, what an amazing motto. ————– Sarah Fox is the President of the North West of England Regional area of the Professional Speaking Association. She has written a very interesting article for our blog linked to the pages and chapters in “Win Win”. In the article she describes how the grieving cycle links to the negotiation cycle. Click here to read it. ————
I work with a number of different people and teams across different disciplines. One of the issues I find is that because of the lack of management training these days, many people have not come across several of the principles, that used to be taught; when in-house management training schools existed. So here are a few of the common sense ideas that would have been taught, but are not so ‘common’ these days. Click Here. For those of you short of time here are three tips for handling difficult meetings and difficult negotiation meetings – 1 – Sit in the Power Position with your number 2 person and confidante sat at 10 o’clock to you. So you can exchange glances and they can intervene at an appropriate point. 2 – Arrive early and set up the room as you want it. Prepare any flip charts to illustrate the points you want to make and then cover them up with the front sheet. Then you can stand up, move to the chart and reveal your points (this creates a change of power and mood in the room, psychologically. Known as a pattern interrupt) 3 – Call a break or time out if things are getting tense. Time de-emotionalises situations, allows people to think things through and tends to cools everyone and the situation down. —————- My friend and business associate Martin Kearns went to an important presentation on the future of the EU. The presenter could have been fantastic, should have been. However she killed the enthusiasm of the audience with her bullet points. After all, as Martin said to me, “We have always said bullets are to kill people – and her bullet points were certain to make the audience die of boredom”. Sadly she had no perception of what she was doing to 100 people. I cover all mega presentation tips in Presenting Phenomenally. ——————- Never miss a marketing opportunity – A Virgin high speed train “photobombs” the Flying Scotsman. The photographer had been set up for hours waiting for this historic run of the finest and fastest steam engine that the UK had ever built. Then as the Flying Scotsman passes a Virgin train going the other way blocks the view. Click here. This becomes a news story and makes the 6 o’clock BBC news. However the smart marketing people at Virgin use this as an amazing opportunity. Quick as a flash their PR machine whirs into action and offers the videographer a free flight to the US on Virgin Atlantic. Then guess what? The clip and the free holiday makes the following night’s BBC 6 o’clock news. I was just wondering how much media exposure like that would cost you? ———– One of the readers of this bulletin Lynn, is a very good negotiator! She has negotiated my fee down for a negotiating masterclass to rock bottom. My walk away position! I know the company will get their money back from the investment, in about a week, providing the delegates do what I will be suggesting. This is how she did it. 1 – She bought my book. 2 – Then she quoted it back to me (by page numbers) as she negotiated the price and the extra learning materials. This is a transcript of her email – Hmmm Derek……… reference page 30 – the cost of failing to negotiate – 1. If you don’t ask you don’t get. 2. If you don’t ask you don’t give the other person the opportunity to say yes. 3. ‘If you don’t ask, the answer is no’. So referencing page 26 – negotiating with yourself – “Everything and anything is negotiable” then how about the delegates all being given the download option on the day, included in our price and I can arrange copies of the DVDs/CDs for those who prefer this option. This would offer choice to the delegates and reduce work for me and makes better sense, don’t you think? (Reference yes tag questions on page 81). If you don’t ask you don’t get. It’s all about asking and how you ask! The negotiator of the week award goes to Lynn. ————– Listening skills Here is the “How to listen with active disciplined listening chapter of “Win Win – how to get a winning result from persuasive negotiations” for you to download with my compliments Click here —————————————- The latest German youth word – Smombies – Smart phone zombies. SMOMBIES are the people walking along the street and driving their cars while glued to their phones without any consideration for those around them. They are in the zone, the smartphone zone. ————
What’s the difference between ordinary and extraordinary? Usually not much, just the extra time, extra energy and extra knowledge that we bring to others. Put the extra into ordinary! ——————- Speed Reading Results – Thank you to the readers who took part in the speed reading research via the website “readingsoft” Click here. The results show that the average reading speed of an Executive Briefing member is 498 words a minute. The UK average is said to be 250 words a minute. The second fastest reader is from Tasmania at 844 words a minute who nearly beat a former CEO of a major UK bank, at 863 words a minute. So what does this tell us? With many people spending around 3 hours a day on emails. If you learn how to increase your reading speed to 750 words a minute you are becoming 10 hours a week more productive. That is a quarter of the working week!!! In WIN WIN I write about the efficiencies of speed reading, linked to Parato’s Law, the 80/20 rule. The faster you read, the more time you have for preparing for those important negotiations, staff meetings or your own personal development. Quick tip to increase your speed – Use your finger to focus and speed your eyes up as you travel across the words; if you are on a computer use the mouse. This is until you just do it naturally. I am feeling quite slow as a reader now at only 701 words a minute!!! I need to speed up. ———— Speaking to 300 guests at Southampton Football Club, for the BNI annual breakfast for Hampshire and Dorset. I shared 37 tips from Persuasive Negotiations. To help these SME’s from all over the two counties make more money, save more money and have even better win win business relationships. Good luck to all of you! Negotiating Tip Top Tip number 48. Ask difficult questions, like questions on price, with quiet, soft voice, tonality. The soft tonality will not sound threatening to the listener and cause a defensive reaction in their reptilian brain (the part of the brain that all animals have and “thinks fight or flight”). The tone of voice is more than three times powerful than the words ,when seeking a reaction. ———— YouTube – has been revamped by my Webmaster Tom. Please take a look. We have divided into speaking, interviewing and what people think. Click here If you want to re-watch the interview three weeks ago with Justin Urquhart-Stewart, recorded in the offices of Seven Investment Management, scroll down the interview section half way down. ————– Finance – Over the last few weeks the markets have been in turmoil. Apparently one of the causes is CoCo bonds. A 95 billion dollar market which provides tier one capital for banks. Rumours of Deutche Bank being in trouble surfaced last week because of the drop in price of their CoCo bonds, and the possibility they might have to convert into equity. CoCo bonds are not as some people might think, funding Cadbury’s chocolate!!! They are Contingent Convertible notes that sit between debt and equity. They convert into equity if a certain trigger point is reached Click here ———– You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression! We all know how important first impressions is to the negotiating and influencing process. It is said that impressions start in a nano second and after about 30 seconds that impression has formed in our brain, a bit like quick drying cement. Of course this is common sense, however as we know “common sense” is not always common. Appearance, dress, smiles, handshakes, shoes, cars; all can influence different people in different ways and to different degrees. Co-incidently there is an article about a headteacher last week, who took over at a school in Croydon. He is asking the teachers to dress up to the standard of the pupils. I was staggered; teachers who should be influencing pupils, being described as “Looking like they have fallen out of a hedge”. Dress for success. First impressions in Negotiations are covered in the second chapter in the Negotiation system in win win. Here is a free Chapter of “Win Win – how to get a winning result from persuasive negotiations” for you. Please download with Pearson Educational Publishing’s compliments Click here —————————————- The power of positive thoughts – Georgia Hall the ladies professional golfer has tattooed on her wrist “Think Positive” We know you can’t be successful at sport or business without the power of positive thought and visualisation. Briefing 111 – Having just finished my next book “Win Win” How to get a winning result from persuasive negotiations – I am looking how to market it best on social media. In the meantime here is an excerpt from the book on mind mapping, which you, your colleagues or friends should find useful. Click here to download section on Mindmapping This week I was reading about a new stress disorder – “social media anxiety disorder” this is the phenomenon where people just have to keep looking at social media. Facebook, twitter, instagram and so on. Apparently it is particularly serious for 12 to 25 year olds. It can be seen everywhere you go! For a minute I couldn’t believe it then I went on to read about a physical issue linked to it, called TEXT NECK. Caused by looking down at smart devices. If you are reading this on a smart device, stretch your neck every 2 minutes! ———————– We are so bombarded by information these days, its incredible. But what is missing is common sense and common sense is linked to wisdom. There is a national shortage of wisdom in 2015. For example wisdom would tell you that what all the politicians in the election are promising cannot be fulfilled. We can’t afford it. UK plc is in the red. But as we get closer to D Day – the 7th May, the promises appear to get bigger and bigger and even more unrealistic. Make sure you spend some time with wise owls who you can question on wisdom and have a quiet listen to what they can tell you about their experiences! INTERVIEW – JUSTIN URQUHART-STEWART – Talking of wisdom my first interview on the radio-podcasts channel has been completed. It is a five minute slot with Justin Urquart-Stewart the financial guru who talks common sense with positivity. I hope you enjoy it – Click here ——————— THINK IT – INK IT. Psychologists will tell you, if you make notes in your own handwriting, then you will remember things naturally. There is a strange connection between your dominant hand and the part of the brain that records information! In fact your brain records every piece of information that happens to you in your life. That is why when a special piece of music comes on the radio, it automatically links you back to something that happened in your life at that time. A place, a person, an old friend, a feeling…. The brain is amazing. Try this experiment. Sit somewhere quiet on your own and turn your foot in a clockwise direction. Then put your dominant finger in the air and draw the number 6. You will notice that your foot wants to go in the same direction as your finger. Try it you will see what I mean. WHAT DOES THIS SHOW US? Your dominant hand and your brain are very closely connected! WALK AND TALK. Motion is creative. Motion helps us sort things out in our own mind. Going for a walk to clear your head, get some new ideas. Go for a walk to sort out a different way to solve a negotiating issue. ——————– ME Ltd – Whether you work for your self or you are employed by someone else. You really work for yourself. You work in the words of Brian Tracy for “ME Ltd”. You exchange your time and skills for payment. Therefore the more skills you have, the more qualifications and the way you use those qualifications with positive helpful energy the more successful you will be. Remember your first stop on selling yourself these days is your linked home page. Anyone can access it and you won’t know. Make sure it says the right things about you to others. WARNING – LINKEDIN and negotiating. In 2015 it is now common practice before people interview, negotiate with or just meet someone; to look at their linkedin profile to get a feel of the person. ———————- I was privileged to work on a documentary with Winchester University on people watching. Research has shown that people who work on improving their sensory awareness achieve more. The documentary won the film makers first prize in their category. PEOPLE WATCHING THE DOCUMENTARY PEOPLE WATCHING THE DOCUMENTARY 45’s on Vinyl sound better than MP3? Finally following my question “Why does some music sound better on vinyl than an MP3 download?”, reader Peter Tattersall writes “The reason 45rpm records sounds better than a download is because vinyl is much higher quality than CDs or downloads. If you enjoy vinyl then have a listen to a Rega or Linn turntable and be prepared to enjoy your whole record collection in ways you wouldn’t believe! Treat yourself to an appointment at Graham’s Hi – Fi where you will sit on a settee listening to your own records”. OK – I am off to listen to Dire Straits on an LP. I hope you are well and full of energy to make a difference, in whatever you do.EDITION 109A very warm welcome to this briefing. Thank you for opening.I am delighted that my 25 years of studying negotiating. Professional speaking on negotiating and helping clients negotiate great deals. This has culminated in Pearson publishing all my best wisdom. See details under HOTSPOT and to pre-order a first edition.———–Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens – Jimi Hendrix. This quote from Jimi Hendrix reminds me in 2015, of the connection between information, knowledge and wisdom. 1 – We have an abundance of information, all available instantaneously on the web. 2 – There is more knowledge in the world than ever before. However how we use that knowledge is key to our success. 3 – There is still a massive shortage of wisdom. As people do not know how to access wisdom. How do I do it you might ask? Get yourself an advisor or a mentor to talk things through! ————– Future proofing – This is an expression that the rail industry uses. What does it mean to us? It might mean – How are we looking after our future? Where do we want to be in 5 years time? Where will our business be, where will our career be ? How can we safeguard our future? A very quick technique is: to imagine we are in the future, 5 years ahead. We visualise our timeline and imagine its March 2020. We imagine having achieved what we wanted to achieve. How do we look? What are we saying to ourselves? How do we feel? WOW Then we ask ourselves so what action did we take in March 2015 to get in the fast lane to achieving this success. “The journey of a 1000 miles starts with the first steps”. Chinese proverb ———————— Labels / Jargon – So many positive skills and techniques have fancy labels. Just take “NLP,” “CBT”, “Popular Psychology”, as examples. Using some of these modern techniques in your negotiations and your life you will get better results. Positive thinking creates positive results. To change your thinking, reframe your language.
In the last edition we mentioned the definition of a miracle. Which is “Doing the same thing and expecting a different result”. Just small things can change our thinking, create ideas in our brain. Try one of these this week – 1 – Go a different way to work. 2 – Get up an hour earlier. 3 – Do something you haven’t done for a while. 4 – Smile at people you have ignored before. 5 – Talk to someone new. If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got!!! —————————– Current negotiations – Grexit negotiations – Latest update The negotiations continue with the EU and IMF, moving their immovable deadlines, set with the newly elected Greek government (remember deadlines are generally a negotiating tactic in a civilised world) You won’t end up DEAD from missing a deadline. This week the negotiators (don’t forget the finance minister has written many books on game theory and negotiating) have asked for repayment of war debt that Nazi Germany borrowed, stole or took from Greece. Then they said that their country is being used like “lab rats” for an experimental currency (the euro). I am enjoying watching the games that are going on. However there are serious economic consequences here. Which the other members of the so called “PIGS” are watching carefully. PIGS stands for Portugal, Italy, Greece and Spain) the group of Southern European countries who have similar large debts. Their turn next! It looks like there will be a negotiated fudge in the short term. I will reporting more in the next edition. ——————————- Humour – Whenever you are presenting or negotiating, humour can be a great aid, if used properly. However if it goes wrong it can be a disaster. Make sure you understand what works and what doesn’t work. One politician tells the story of how he opened an EU conference with, “It’s a pleasure to be here, but after an hour, like the rest of you, I suspect I will have lost the will to live”. There was deadly silence. One of the other delegates, who spoke English and German was listening simultaneous to the translation, came up to our friend afterwards. He told him, “You are very funny BUT when it was translated the translator translated “You were terminally ill.” At that moment Angela Merkel came over and put her hand on his shoulder and said in a sad voice tonality “How are you feeling?” Some people die when they are 25 but don’t get buried until they are 75. Benjamin Franklin. “Judge people on what they do, not on what they say” A great tip on getting things done! When you are dealing with people, asking them to do things or negotiating. Judge the person on what their past track record says about them, not on what they say they will do this time. Some people make promises, but fail to deliver! If that is what they have done in the past, make sure you don’t rely on them 100% this time. If you do, keep a careful note of everything and remind them before its too late. So you can implement a plan B if necessary. Tom Peters once said “There are people who make things happen, there are people who watch things happen and there are people who wonder what happened! ———— Here is my second brand new interview with finance expert and TV personality Justin Urquhart-Stewart recorded last week. Click here Justin tells us his thoughts for 2016 – straight and as it is, with no spin – Why the negative comments from RBS were irresponsible. Not to sell investments at the worst times – we should invest for the long term and ride out the storms. His views on the EU negotiations. ————- What we can learn from the late Sir Terry Wogan? Sir Terry had the largest radio audience in Europe, 12 million people at one stage. However when asked how many people he spoke to on his radio show each day, he said ONE. He talked into the microphone as if there was just one person listening YOU! An amazing skill. When he signed off his radio show for the last time, this is what he said, “Thanks to you for listening, it has been a pleasure and a privilege for me” ——- PASSWORD SECURITY – For the most frequently used passwords in 2015 Click here In case you don’t get a chance to click the first three are “123456”, “password” and “12345678” Thanks to Winston Marsh former President of the Australian Professional Speaking Association and avid reader of this briefing for asking me to warn you to – CHECK YOUR PASSWORDS CAREFULLY!!! ——– Marketing and advertising has changed so much. Viral marketing is now a very cost effective way of reaching a large audience. This YouTube clip went viral. Christiano Ronaldo goes under cover in a Madrid square and “Live life loud” headphones got over 5 million views Click here By the way – watch the boy Nicholas’s face when he realises he has just had a kick about with the world’s number 1 footballer. His face is amazing!
Welcome to briefing number 126 – it’s freezing here in Guildford. I hope you are keeping warm! “You don’t get what you deserve you get what you negotiate”. This phrase is a fantastic reminder to us all – and has been used to sell the importance of negotiation training all round the world. Perhaps life is not always as fair as we might like to think!!! ————————– Blue Monday – like Black Friday is an expression dreamt up by marketing departments. The third Monday in January is generally called Blue Monday as it is dark, cold and the bills for Christmas are arriving. However those of us who know how to reframe negatives into positives know it is getting lighter, the birds are beginning to sing earlier and the daffodils are coming up. Why not try a little James Brown Wow – I feel good in the morning rather than 6 cups of coffee. ————————- WHO SAID THIS? “The budget should be balanced, the treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced. The arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed unless we become bankrupt. People must learn again to work instead of living on public assistance” Scroll down to the bottom for the answer and it wasn’t the Chancellor of the Exchequer. ————————— Speed reading is vital in 2016. As part of my research for my next book I asked a former CEO of a mega international bank to take the speed reading test Click here His reading speed was 863 words a minute. I can just make 700 and the average person in the UK is 250 words a minute. What is your speed? I would like to know for my research – the test takes about 2 minutes. —————— What is the reticular activation system and why is it useful? Recent discoveries on how the brain works, lead the scientists to knowledge about the reticular activation system (RAS). A bundle of densely packed nerve cells located in the central core of the brainstem. The RAS is the brain’s chief gatekeeper. It screens and filters what type of information will be allowed through into our mind. Anything that is deemed irrelevant is filtered out. Simon Hazeldine in “Neuro-sell” says it is rather like a PA who decides who can be put through to the CEO. How does this help our FAST goal setting? By writing your goals down and by keep reminding yourself of them, it alerts the RAS to let any relevant information through that will take you towards achieving your goals. You may remember that FAST is an acronym for Focused, Achievable, Specific and Time based. 1 – Focused – Laser focused so they are clear. 2 – Achievable – If you are 50, running a four minute mile is probably not achievable. But walking the three peaks is! or going to Machu Picchu can be! 3 – Specific – To go to the gym on every Wednesday and Saturday 4 – Time based – To book three holidays by 31 January. You must put an exact date to focus the mind. ———————— Major Tom – The passing of the music genius David Bowie reminds me of how he not only made a major contribution to entertainment but also to the world of finance. Bowie bonds were a phenomenon of the late 1990’s when Bowie sold the future royalties to his music in the form of a bond. They were bought by Prudential Financial for £37.8 million pounds and yielded 7.9%. Rod Stewart followed suit and collected £15m. All went well until the copyright model was taken apart in 2004. They plunged to almost junk bond status. However Major Tom had his money. ————— The answer to the question who said – “The budget should be balanced………..was Cicero in BC 55! ———- REMINDER – “No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides to everything”
Happy New Year to you – I wish you and your family all the very best for 2016. —————- This is the time of year when people make New Year’s resolutions or review their goals. There is a famous survey at Yale University in 1953 where they found that the people who had set focused goals were 3% of the graduates. 20 years later those people earned 97% more than the people who hadn’t set goals. I heard this story from Brian Tracy and started setting focused goals I found they work!!! Here are techniques that help goal setting work. First of all write them down on paper FAST!. Why fast? Because many people say I am going to make some resolutions / set goals and then never do. They need to be done fast. You can review and change them at any time, but write them down FAST and keep them with you. Second use FAST as an acronym for – Focused, Achievable, Specific and Time based. 1 – Focused – Laser focused so they are clear. 2 – Achievable – If you are 50, running a four minute mile is probably not achievable. But walking the three peaks is! or going to Machu Picchu can be! 3 – Specific – To go to the gym on every Wednesday and Saturday 4 – Time based – To book three holidays by 31 January. You must put an exact date to focus the mind. Once you get in the habit of setting and reviewing, it will become easier. Find yourself a quite spot, on your own, perhaps with a coffee. Third – From the recent research it appears more effective if you write them down in your own handwriting. This triggers more neurons in the brain and assists memory! I wish you well with your goals! ———————— Is 2016 the year to upgrade your negotiation skills? Why? – It will increase your income, decrease your costs and improve your relationships. Here are three top tips. In business – If you have to give a discount and we all do sometimes. Don’t give them in round amounts. If you do it tells your client you may be able to give more. In technical negotiation language it is called “funny money”. It gives the impression that you have looked at the numbers carefully. e.g. – I can give you a 8.6% discount rather than 10%, if you pay me in 7 days. In your personal negotiations – Keep asking, build rapport with a smile on your face. If you don’t ask you don’t get! In your relationships – Listen to where the other person is coming from. Listen with your eyes, your ears, what is being said, what isn’t being said and the way it is being said. ———————– Why is continued summarising so important in negotiations?For the reasons Click here to download the article. ——————– No brown M+M’s please! When negotiating their contract with venues – Van Halen the rock band insisted on M+M’s being placed in their dressing room but the brown ones had to be removed. Why? Van Halen was the first band to take huge productions into as they say “third-level markets”. They would pull up with nine eighteen-wheeler trucks, full of equipment where the standard for a rock concert was three trucks, max. There would often be many technical errors such as the girders couldn’t support the weight, or the flooring would sink in, or the doors weren’t big enough to move the equipment through. The contract read like a version of the UK tax laws because there was so much equipment, and so many human beings needed to make it function. So just as a little test, in say clause number 154, in the middle of nowhere, was a request for M+M’s with the wording: “There will be no brown M&M’s in the backstage area, upon pain of forfeiture of the show, with full compensation.” This was the quickest way to find out if the venue had read the contract. If they hadn’t read the contract it was guaranteed they would run into major problems. Sometimes it would threaten to just destroy the whole show. —————- Finally as someone once said “There are three sides to everything. Mine, yours and the right one”! Good luck with practicing your negotiating in 2016. remember if you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got. For the full 281 pages of Win Win Click here ”Today is the first day of the rest of your life” You can’t live in the past BUT you can learn from it!
At this time of year we can be reminded of people who have influenced us and our lives.
The quote “Carpe Diem (from the Latin) or Seize the Day” made famous by Robin Williams in the film “Dead Poets Society” is a great reminder. ——- Travel broadens the mind – I have been travelling a great deal in the last month. There is no doubt that travelling opens the mind and gives us all great ideas. In Sofia, Bulgaria we ran a negotiating masterclass for 200 delegates with my Bulgarian business partner Georgi. Georgi is the ultimate networker and he arranged to have Power Negotiating (my first negotiation book translated into Bulgarian). Here I am at the book signing with Sylvia who spent four weekends translating. I was interviewed on breakfast TV and at the studios met Dr Salomon Passy. Dr Passy was the Bulgarian foreign minister between 2001 – 2005 and had the honour of being the Chairman of the United Nations Security Council in 2005. Coffee – He invited me to meet for coffee for 30 minutes and while there agreed to an interview on diplomatic and cultural negotiations. I nearly missed my plane back to Heathrow as our discussions lasted for 2 hours. The next book will be packed with ideas from Dr Passy. Here are three takeaways – from Dr Passy’s successful negotiations with Colonel Gaddafi, in Libya, over the release of 5 Bulgarian medics who had been held captive for 8 years. 1 – Put yourself in the other persons shoes – Dr Passy was advised Colonel Gaddafi will never think like you! So you need to discover how he thinks. 2 – Be patient – So just go and meet him and spend some time with him building rapport, learning about him, drinking tea and connecting! 3 – Perception of time can be different! – In most of the Arab world, time is different to how people perceive it in the west. There were diplomats from all over the world waiting to see Gaddafi and some had appointments which were running three days late. ——– Reminder for 2016 – “Hang around smart people” as someone once said – 1 – They tend to transmit their energy! 2 – They tend to transmit their thinking and the speed of thought! 3 – They tend to transmit their knowledge! Which means if we have our antennae switched on we become more like them! Of course hanging around people doesn’t mean what Socrates did in the squares of Athens, listening to the orators. With electronics, social media we can now also follow SMART people on twitter, listen to their audios, while travelling, and speed read their books. ——— Thought for 2016 “If you are the smartest person in the room – you are probably in the wrong room”
Welcome to this November briefing. Thank you for clicking to open. Pride of place this week – My friend Johnny Farrell who lives in Perth, Western Australia celebrated his 101st birthday. A lifelong Arsenal supporter; here he is holding up his signed Arsenal shirt and a letter from Arsene Wenger. For his 100th birthday he received a letter from the Queen and from the Australian Prime minister. For his 101st, it was Arsene Wenger!!! John played football for Finsbury Park Taxi Drivers during the second world war at Highbury, the home of Arsenal football club, and he scored 6 goals. He never paid for a taxi again, he was recognised instantly. I am trying to find out who else might have scored 6 goals at Highbury. Does anyone know? Sir John 101 What have I learnt from John that we might use in our business dealings and our relationships? 1 – Be humble and respectful. 2 – Be open to new ideas. 3 – Be interested not interesting. As we know the third point is the golden rule of networking! —————– Power of social media. Tweet your questions to the tax authorities – It’s extraordinary that this week there was a request from HMRC (the tax authorities in the UK) that you no longer phone them. You tweet any queries you have and they will reply to your tweet. (if you don’t have twitter you might be on the phone for 3 hours?) Traffic chaos and Twitter – A new supermarket opened in Burpham and the traffic was chaos. So I tweeted a picture and within minutes I had the local radio station and the local newspaper replying. Within half an hour they had an article on their website, with the picture I had tweeted and a link to our website. Wow I thought! I mentioned this to one of our readers who comes from Venezuela and he told me – “Derek you can never underestimate the power of social media because it is so easy now to get in touch via smartphones or any other gadget that is in real time. We keep informed in my country with the real news not the ones the government wants the audience to know. So I know first hand how powerful twitter, instagram, or Facebook are. Take for example the earthquake in Chile, Facebook added a button so people could click and let their families and friends know they were alright. ———– Loyalty – Can have positives and negatives. Loyalty is very important however as we know sometimes when you are loyal to a supplier they will not always give you the best price. Take for example the utility companies, the phone people etc. When you are negotiating make sure you are not being too loyal and paying a higher price for the same service. WIIFM – What’s in it for me – Strawberries and Cream or Worms? Dale Carnegie tells this story in the inspirational book “How to win friends and influence people.” To attract clients and people to you, you must attract them with what they like, not what you like. He says “I like strawberries and cream and I also like fishing. The trouble is fish don’t like strawberries they like worms. So I need to put worms on my hook to attract fish, not strawberries”. Take a quick personal MOT today and make sure you are using the right worms if you are “fishing for results” For the full 281 pages of Win Win Click here —————————————- USEFUL LINKS TO VIEW YouTube channel – If you are buying a car you might want to look at the 7 minute clip on how to beware of car buying pitfalls!!! It has 51,000 views to my amazement. Click here Blog posts – new posts added. Tips, techniques and tools to make you more successful Click here REMINDERS – The Law of Requisite Variety says – The person with the most options gets the best results! The Law of Insanity says – It is madness to keep doing the same things and expecting a different result.
BRIEFING 122 – Guy Fawkes edition
Welcome to this November briefing GUY FAWKES edition!!! You might like to take a few minutes “time out” to think about what explosive action you might take in the next week to supercharge what you do! ——– “Handwriting is Finnished” (yes the spelling is wrong) said the headline. In Finland from next year apparently they are going to stop teaching “joined up” writing. They are going to teach keyboard skills. I am curious whether they have QWERTY keyboards in Finland, does anyone know? I asked 150 delegates on the Chartered Institute of Management Accounting (CIMA) convention if they knew. Only 6 people knew! The answer as you may know comes from “Christopher Sholes”, the inventor of the typewriter. Mr Sholes arranged the keys in their odd fashion to avoid jamming on mechanical typewriters; by separating commonly used letter combinations. ——– Psychologists say handwriting is powerful. Apparently one of the reasons that handwriting is so powerful, is that the writing activates neurons in the brain that store information. Much more powerful to our memories than using a keyboard, apparently. Here is a fun experiment – I use to demonstrate the benefits of writing to delegates. Turn your dominant foot clockwise. At the same time draw the number 6 with your dominant hand. Can’t do it? If this is so and most people can’t do it. It shows you that your hand / brain connection has real power and you should use it! Here is an article from Medical Daily – to reinforce writing notes is better than using laptops Click here ————- One in 5 emails goes missing according to the latest research. Click here. Email gives you an audit trail BUT only if you know for certain the person received the email, read it and understood it. We tend to assume just because we have sent the email the other person has got it. In 2015 nothing is certain! Graham Jones the CEO of the Professional Speaking Association uses an email tracking system. One of our members complained that he didn’t get the notification of our AGM. Graham was able to go back to the tracking system and tell him that not only did he get it on 8th September, he opened it at 8.16am We talk about email negotiations and their dangers, effectiveness ineffectiveness in the HOTSPOT in Win Win. ————— The fundamentals of positive psychology We grow by building on our strengths and not by trying to correct weaknesses. Yet the majority of the feedback that we receive, even when we ask for it is negative. About correcting something, often a minor point in the big picture. Even self help books assume that the reader has a problem. The more time we spend correcting what others think we are doing wrong – the less time we have to invest in exploiting our potential and our potential is amazing!!! Working on your strengths to become a real expert is a much better use of energy! ———— Using props when speaking – the power of visuals – We gave out some pointers on speaking last edition. One reader reminded me that the use of Props can be amazing effective. I always try and use appropriate props. ———– NEGOTIATIONS 1 – Which negotiation / conflict style do you naturally default to, when under pressure? Click to judge which person you might be? 2 – Reading Body language as we know is a skill most people don’t have. A very useful skill to have when you are negotiating. Here is an interview with Professor Geoff Beattie who analyses the body language of Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho. He shows how looking at the hesitation, the pauses and the blink rate we can learn an enormous amount. Whilst Mourinho is unique; the body language gestures are universal. Definitely worth a look. Click here For the full 281 pages of Win Win Click here —————————————- USEFUL LINKS TO VIEW YouTube channel – If you are buying a car you might want to look at my 7 minute clip on how to beware of car buying pitfalls!!! It has 50,100 views so far. Click here Blog posts – 26 new posts added 971 + Tips, techniques and tools to make you more successful Click here Remember stay focused on your goals, seek advice and take action REMINDERS – The Law of Requisite Variety says – The person with the most options gets the best results! The Law of Insanity says – It is madness to keep doing the same things and expecting a different result.
HERE next one 121
——— EDITION 108
A very warm welcome to this briefing. The UK met office defines spring as starting on March 1st. In astronomy they say it is 20th March this year. It looks to me that Spring has started in my garden, the daffodils are out and the birds are looking for food constantly. This is our chance to Spring clean our thinking, our business and our life. All before the clocks “Spring” forward on 29th March. “Don’t wrestle with a pig” The quote comes from Mark McCormack and was the title of one of his great negotiating books. I think it sums up one of the golden rules of negotiating, understand who you are attempting to negotiate with or influence! There are some people you should just walk away from as you will get muddy and hurt. McCormack the author of “What they don’t teach you at the Harvard Business School” was the man responsible for taking sports negotiating into the 21st century. Taking sport fees into the stratosphere of the entertainment industry. —————————– How do I start? Winston Marsh is the President of the National Speakers Association of Australia. He often gets asked the question how do I start doing what you do? Which of course is a question that many successful people get asked. The answer is start small and build it up. Winston being Australian says “Just start”. Here in the UK we are slightly more gentle in the way we give advice. My answer is, find someone who does what you want to do, and go and ask them questions. Find out how they started and take action. Action is the key that unlocks opportunities ———————————– I give no charge practical mentoring sessions first thing in the morning. When we early birds are up; the worms are there for the finding. Just ask if you want a slot! ———————————– A definition of a miracle “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”! ————————————- Death by bullet point – The goal of the organisation where I am the Chairman “The Professional Speaking Association of the UK and Ireland” is to help people speak better, speak more and improve the standard of speaking in the UK. Here is just one tip we give out to new members – Bullets are used to kill people. In presentations they are used to kill the enthusiasm and energy of the audience. Yet few people realise what they are doing. Go to the slideshare channel, see below. See how I change bullets into boxes to make them more interesting. ————————— In my Negotiating Speaker column we have discussed Negotiations and Conflict. Conflict happens in varying degrees, when we are negotiating. After all if we always agreed, then there wouldn’t be anything to negotiate So different degrees of conflict are inevitable. It is natural for humans to shy away from conflict, but we have to handle it and the better we handle it, the better negotiators and nicer people we will be. A very useful tool. Thomas Killman Conflict Mode Instrument – TKI I have used the TKI extensively all over the world. Remember under pressure a normal person reverts to a certain style which will be under one of these headers – 1 – Competitor, 2 – Collaborator, 3 – Compromiser 4 – Avoider 5 – Accommodator Which is your normal style? I have uploaded more details here from my book – Power Negotiation if you are interested further – Click here —————————– Feedforward or Feedback – Who is giving feedback? Are they a high achieving mentor who has your interests at heart? Or are they someone with their own agenda and like the sound of their own voice? Unfortunately high achievers need feedforward from properly skilled people who can enhance what you do by carefully and sensitively making suggestions. EDITION 107 There are some interesting negotiations going on at the present time. You might have noticed that the new Greek finance minister Yanis Varoufakis has been touring Europe trying to get agreement to write down / postpone the Greek debt. What has been hidden, is that he has written or edited 5 negotiation books, particularly, on the psychology of game theory. Apparently German negotiators, who own the majority of Greek debt; have bought up all the books in Berlin bookshops that Mr Varoufakis has written!!! The concern is what is Greece’s alternative position (always crucial in any negotiation, even with children!) and what are the consequences for Grexit (Greek exit from EU – I love these new words). I see this morning there is now a suggestion that Greece is leaning towards Russia as the negotiation games hot up. Mr Varoufakis is at work! When you are negotiating, make sure you have researched your walk away position and your alternative positions! ———————— It was a busy week last week. An educational keynote for a betting security firm at their global convention in London. Then to Barcelona with a client, followed on Saturday with a hands on working session with the MBA programme at Surrey University. Students of negotiation skills, earn more than their counterparts because they know how to handle difficult situations and difficult people; better than their colleagues. Research at Henley showed that good negotiators earned 100% more than their peers. —————————– The Psychology of Influence – I have been asked by a reader to return to the 6 traits of influence from the world famous psychologist Dr Robert Cialdini. You may recall that generally these 6 traits work below the level of our conscious mind. Our conscious awareness, just like the way hypnosis works. In other words we don’t consciously know they are happening, but we react to them. 1 – Liking. People are influenced by and make buying decisions with people they like. 2 – Reciprocity. When you give things for nothing unconditionally. You tend to create an unconscious obligation in the mind of the other person to return the favour. You might give small gifts, buy coffees, hospitality or just something as simple as remembering names, holidays or thank you’s, 3 – Authority – People believe people who look, sound and behave as if they are experts. If you have qualifications, make sure you let people know about them. Have them on your business cards etc. 4 – Scarcity – Most people have an in built need not to miss out. So when they perceive things are scarce they are likely to make a decision to go for it quickly. 5 – Social proof – Again most people want things that others have or have done. Other people have it, have bought it so I should have it as well. 6 – Commitment – Once someone has agreed to something it feels quite difficult to go back on it. That is why when you buy a car, the sales person as they trial close the sale will say to you something like “If I can get you another £100 off, and it will be difficult to get it through the sales manager, we do have a deal don’t we?” As you know, what has happened in this example tactically is – a – You have been pre closed b – He has used good guy / bad guy – linked to higher authority c – Used a statement, linked to a YES tag question. ———————— Finally remember to utilise ALPHA STATE – ~Discovered by the psychologist Haus Berger in 1926. It is the relaxed state just as you go to sleep, are waking up, are driving, working out or just having a quiet few moments on your own. It is when we get ideas and those ideas can be wow moments. The problem is the ideas tend to disappear as quick as they came (10 seconds ) is a good guide. That is why high achievers, like us, know we have to carry a pen and paper around to capture these ideas as they occur. If you are driving, pull over and call yourself on your hands free phone and leave a message for yourself on your answer phone! ————————— I have written about all of the above extensively in my new book to be published by Pearson Education, first here in the UK on 15th July 2015. “Win win – How to get the best results from any negotiation” EDITION 106 – Thank you for opening this briefing. It’s great we now have an extra hour of daylight each day as we get to the end of January. The birds in our garden are really active, it’s beginning to feel like Spring. Speed stuns – Coming back on Eurostar last week I was in the cafe coach enjoying a coffee and the sensation of speed. We were travelling at 186 mph through the French countryside, and I was thinking of the phrase “Speed Stuns”. In business and in life if you do things quickly you amaze others. It reminded me about reading in the book “The magic of thinking big” by Dr David Schwartz. If you walk 25% quicker it makes a massive difference to how you feel, act and to what you get done. I use the app “Runkeeper” and I can now walk at 4.45mph, when I decide I am going to go for it! “Going for it” – is an individual choice. “I overheard a conversation”. Whilst on Eurostar I couldn’t help listening to a couple of ladies discussing someone they had just had a meeting with in Paris. They said “Oh he is so much nicer than he sounds on all those emails – a nice person really”. I thought to myself that the implication was that they had never spoken to him on the phone. Yet they had formed a negative judgement about his personality via email. If in doubt about sending an email, pick up the phone and break the emailing pattern. ————————————– I hear what you say! – You may have come across this story before. I first read about it in Steven Covey’s book – 7 Habits of Highly Effective people. This new YouTube clip is very amusing and makes the same point – listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing is passive, listening is active. It is the alleged true story of the US navy warship the USS Lincoln. Where they mistake a lighthouse for a another ship Click here This link might download from Constant Contact rather than open! —————————————– Remember to go to the third side: There are always three sides to everything that happens. Yours, mine and the right one. We can never see the right one when we are close to things, emotional or have lots at stake personally. So in a difficult situation, negotiation or relationship. Don’t forget: there is a third side! ————————————- Quirkology – power of magic, Some people think that negotiating is magic. It’s just like magic tricks, negotiating needs preparation, skill and practice. Whatever you are doing, learn from the masters, Dr. Richard Wiseman is a master psychologist, magician and author. Watch this amazing trick and then you can see how it is done. Click here ————————————— HOTSPOT Here is an advance draft copy of the International Negotiations section of my next book – Win Win – How to get more from Persuasive Negotiating, scheduled to be published by Pearson Educational Publishing in July 2015. Apologies for any typo’s the editor hasn’t approved it yet. Have you had any experiences I might add in Click here Edition 105 – Happy New Year to you. I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and I wish you all the success you wish yourself in 2015 As we know and don’t always do, taking action, makes things happen; going for it once we have evaluated the risks. Not procrastinating. Procrastination is the thief of time and time is at a massive premium in 2015. One of the benefits of setting goals is they focus us on what we want. Here are some of the best practice on goal setting. Goals – Targets – Plans Tip top tips on goal setting which will make you more effective – 1 – Goals need to be what you want. Not what you don’t want. You will remember the brain doesn’t compute the don’ts very well. e.g. – Don’t think of a blue tree! As we know the “negative command” opens your thought process about blue trees! 2 – Goals have to be time specific. “By March 31st 2015″ 3 – Goals need to be congruent with you, your family and your personality 4 – Goals should be realistic, stretching and optimistic 5 – Goals should cover all areas of your life. health, work, family, personal time, personal development etc 6 – Goals are more effective if you write them down in your own handwriting. Review them daily Are you organised to cope with the information overload expected in 2015? The internet is projected to throw even more information our way in 2015; which will be an additional drain on our precious time. We have to think about our time management, our energy management and getting things done. If we are not careful we may not have much time for real productive work. Real work like clients, marketing, new products, selling and negotiating. We all need a plan; how to be more effective and how to give up doing some unimportant things? Modelling excellence !!! What does it really mean? As you know it means finding people who do things really well. You watch them, listen to them find out how they do it, and copy their strategy. The people to model could be leaders at work, friends colleagues. Alternatively you could model by listening to audio or watching video’s. Attending talks, workshops, seminars or masterclasses. Richard Bandler said, “If one person can do something, then others can do it. They just have to find out how the other person does it and copy their strategy exactly” Bandler the man who invented NLP, was talking not only how they physically did it, he was talking about their attitude to it, their thinking process and their attitude to life. As the quote from William James above says “Change your attitude and change your life” As someone once said ” You become who you spend the most time with”. You can spend plenty of time in your car listening to MP3 / CD’s MODELLING EXCELLENCE. —————- Fascinating body language – take a look at the attitude of these world leaders towards each other at the G20 summit. Click here ————————————— How to use brain research for your advantage? Some fascinating new brain research from the USA. Click here Jeff Iliff medical research professor at Rochester medical school. Clean your brain with a good nights sleep and get all the connections between the brain cells working efficiently. Iliiff suggests, the Greek physician Galan may have been right 2000 years ago, your brain never rests, even when you are asleep. So what does that mean for high achievers like us? Go to bed with a pad by your side. As the brain rests and sorts the data from the day, you will more than likely wake up with that idea you have been looking for. It works for me. EDITION 103 Welcome and thank you for opening this December edition.. It’s difficult to believe there is not long to go to Christmas. Whilst writing the chapter on discounts for my the book Persuasive Negotiating, I was amazed to see those scenes of Black Friday. People fighting to get discounts, bargains and deals. I was reminded of a couple of things that apply to any negotiation – 1 – A deal is not a deal unless you really want it. 2 – Often things we buy on impulse are not what we need. 3 – Take a time out, before you rush into anything Many of us get sucked into a deal because of the psychological principle of scarcity. The brain wants things that it might not be able to get later. It doesn’t want to miss out. ———————————- I was surprised to read that the average lunch hour, or lunch break as it must now be called, is down to 27 minutes. Remember you will be more effective if you take regular breaks to recharge your batteries. It helps your energy and your thinking time. I am told the brain alone uses 20% of the body’s energy. ————————————– Customer service / remembering names is a key differential in today’s markets. First impressions are crucial. We went to our local Volkswagen dealer on Sunday where we bought a car two years ago. The salesman Paul Lyness remembered both our names with no prompting. How impressive is that? TIP – A good way to remember names is to ask for a business card and then write on the back anything that might remind you of the person. ————————————- Donations – Many of us are bombarded with requests for donations to charities at this time of year. I wonder how much sending those requests by physical mail costs. We have sponsored, by paying the printing costs, of Christmas cards this year, for Challengers our charity in Guildford. This seems a great way of making a donation to a fantastic cause. Designed by Zoe Butler “age nearly 11″ as she describes herself. Zoe loves Challengers. Click Click here What I have learnt / re-learnt this week? Write in short sharp sentences to have more effect. You will influence people quicker. It used to be called the FOG test, now here is a summary of how the top bloggers get their message across. Writing styles of the top bloggers Click here It was great to spend a few days in Australia with my mentor and friend, John Farrell for his 100th birthday. He was telling me that in his 100 years of experience – 1 – If it seems too good to be true, it probably is… 2 – There is no such thing as a free lunch. 3 – Play your cards close to your chest, when negotiating. In the article I wrote last month for a sales magazine, my top three tips were Here is the full article “The 9 nuggets for negotiating “- article Click here FINALLY – I mentioned last month that is was Norman Vincent Peale once said “Motivation is like nutrition. You need daily doses of it. If not tiredness, negativity and depression sets in” We certainly need it at this time of year. Make sure you know what to read, listen and watch. However even more important is who you hang around with – you become who you spend time with!!!!! USEFUL LINKS Slideshare – Derek’s channel . – Click here Helping clients Supercharging their pitches, presentations, propositions to 2015 requirements. Which means more sales, more business and more work. Blogs – The latest tips, techniques and tools by way of blog. Negotiation and business tips. Click here Edition 102 Tomorrow is Remembrance Day. I went to the Tower of London to pay respect to our ancestors who fought for our freedom. What a fantastic sight the poppies are and a really moving experience! Last week I arrived back from Perth, Western Australia where I was attending the 100th birthday party of our family friend Johnny Farrell. He was 100 on 28th October. John received some great tributes and I was privileged to make a speech and propose the toast. However no one can compete with a wonderful letter from the Queen. People were saying it was a long way to go, however I asked this question – “How many people are you likely to meet in your life, who are 100, and they have personally asked you to their party? I have got some great stories from my chats with John which I will share with you over the next few editions. We can learn so much from our elders. However you have to do is ask them good quality questions! The quality of the questions you ask, determines the quality of the answers you get ———————————– You will never get a ticket? The power of positive thinking! When I got off the plane at Perth, I learnt that the Rolling Stones concert that had been cancelled earlier in the year, was taking place on the saturday night in Perth. I am a big fan of their energy, their marketing and their resiliance. I resolved to get a ticket, I was told I wouldn’t get one. However, as you and I know, if we are determined; then most things are possible. The Stones started with Jumplng Jack Flash and the woman next to me said that was worth the price of the ticket. I am not sure I agreed with her, but it was a fantastic concert. Some thoughts for this week – 1 – Generocity – give without remembering – receive without forgetting. 2 – Energy – we are responsible for our own energy. If you want to do something, do it. ———————————– Norman Vincent Peale once said “Motivation is like nutrition. You need daily doses of it. If not tiredness, negativity and depression sets in” ————————————— As we now know, Linkedin is now much more powerful than your CV. In fact it is your CV. The advantage is; it is on line for all to see. The disadvantage is you won’t know who has looked at it. Here are the 10 most used tag words on Linkedin – Creative, organised, effective, extensive experience, track record, motivated, innovative, problem solving, communications skills, dynamic. ————————————— Someone once said, the problem with common sense is “It isn’t very common” When we are too close to issues; be careful as often “We can’t see the wood for the trees”. Go for a walk, stand back, go to the balcony or simply take a time out. Ask yourself – WHAT, WHY, HOW. What are we doing? Why are we doing it? How important is it, compared with other things? How are we going to do it, in the most effective and efficient way? Edition 101 In edition 100, I commented on some current issues and focused on a couple of ideas to remind ourselves of how to be as efficient as possible. ——————————- This weekend I Chaired the Professional Speaking Association’s Annual Convention at the Cumberland Hotel in the centre of London. Itwas a busy weekend. I interviewed Patricia Fripp (San Francisco), Alvin Law (Calgary, Canada) Paul Du Toit (South Africa) and many other superstar global experts who speak. The key in 2015 will be, being an expert who speaks very well. So many people want to speak, but they don’t have a niche subject that makes them a true expert, who can add value to their audiences. This is the critical issue today. No one has anytime anymore. So if you can’t deliver short sharp messages of high value, then no one will listen. Delegates were tweeting the messages they were hearing throughout the convention, posting on Facebook and connecting on linked in. if you need any help to supercharge and make you even better, more powerful and more confident when presenting, lat me know. ———————————— I was honoured to introduce to the stage three extraordinary speakers. 1 – Patricia Fripp – who blew the audience away when she showed the audience to take the opening of any presentation from good to great. Some people have booked to see her in Las Vegas in February 2015. That is how good she is and I might go if I can. 2 – Will Kintish showed the delegates how to use linkedin properly and how to get their personal profile 100% effective. As we discussed before this is your 2015 CV. 3 – Steve Head – The understated Geordie who spends his time helping executives with their strategy, their resilience and their motivation. —————————————— I was interviewed for Microsoft’s business magazine – recently. Here are the key items you might use 1 – Always give yourself room to manoeuvre 2 – Have three options 3 – Listen, watch and think before you change your negotiating strategy For the full article Click here ONLY FOR COACHES SECTION These questions link to any form of negotiation, influencing or conflict resolution. Preparation – prior to the meeting What do you want to achieve? What will be the benefits of achieving this? How much do you want to achieve it? How much do you want it, on a scale 1 -10? What preparation have you done? What else might you be able to do? After the meeting What went well? What might you have done differently? What surprises came up? How did you handle the unexpected issues? What concessions did you give? How did you trade your concessions and what for? What questions did you ask? What was said? What wasn’t said? What might you have asked with hindsight? What will you do differently next time? How are you going to follow up? Does it feel like a win win win? September 24th – edition number 100 Telephone 0845 0574 116 – 07980 241185 Derek Arden Dear derek, Thank you for opening this special edition. This is number 100 of this briefing. Where has all the time gone? We are giving away 12 copies of Power Negotiating – how to negotiate, anything, anywhere, anytime. RRP £20 to 12 readers who make an email request. We will send them over the weekend, as an attachment. ————————————— Today we appear to live in the fastest times the world has ever seen; and we need to learn how to negotiate our way through the jungle. Take emails for example. I am still not convinced we know how to use them properly. We used to have face to face conversations. Then the telephone was invented and we learned how to use it. Now we have emails; one way communication, like the old snail mail letter. The problem is there is no way of checking the interpretation of what the author really means. So we often have misunderstandings, disputes and unnecessary conflict. However if we pick up the phone and check the meaning then usually we can resolve the issues quickly and friendly In my role as Chairman of the Professional Speaking Association I am daily picking up the phone to check the meaning of emails I see. As so often, they are open to mis-interpretation. ——————————————– A good idea for emails – While running a negotiating masterclass last week, I asked NHS Finance Directors how they coped with the barrage of emails. I got the usual shrug of the shoulders, which means we just do it somehow. However someone said – “If you put the clear subject in the header and the date you need a reply by, you are more likely to get a useful answer”. I like that idea and have tried it. It worked on something important yesterday. —————————————— Google hangouts – webinarjam. You may be curious what google hangouts / linked to a webinarjam means. So was I. Click Here and you will see how I got on when I was asked to host and facilitate my first one. I am sitting in my office in Guildford, interviewing Terry Brock and Patricia Fripp. Global experts in their fields. Terry is in Orlando, and commenting on the subject of social media and Klout scores. Patricia Fripp is in San Francisco advising us on speaking, presenting and language. We had 108 people watching live and it is now loaded on YouTube for all to share. ————— Curious is a very useful word Curious is a very powerful non-threatening word. It is human nature to be curious just look at how curious small children are. So you can use in a non threatening way to ask difficult questions – I am curious why you paid that price? I am curious how you made that decision? I am curious how you came to decide on that machine? I am curious where you are coming from? I am curious what the underlying agendas are here? ————————— Left and right brain test When you are coaching, mentoring someone or even doing some personal self-development. It is useful to make sure you understand how the left side and the right side of the brain works. Using the resources of both sides of your brain can be very helpful. Here is a test to see which side of the brain you use more often. Left and right brain test Click here Slideshare – Derek’s shared presentation slides . – Click here Blogs – The latest tips, techniques and tools by way of blog, to help you make more money, save more money. Click here . ——————————- AUGUST 29th 2014 I am sending this email today because at 4.00pm this afternoon I am interviewing Terry Brock in his office in Florida and Patricia Fripp in her office in San Francisco simultaneously. Terry and Patricia are acknowledged world experts on respectively, technology / social media marketing and key sales presenting. A field that anyone who is ambitious in 2014 needs to know as much about as possible. You can join us live, free by clicking below. I am very excited and apprehensive for three reasons – 1 – It is an honour and a privilege for me to sit in my office in Guildford and do this with two renowned world experts in their fields. 2 – I am out of my comfort zone with this technology. 3 – We are going to learn a massive amount. You can watch this interview live via a “webinar jam”. All you have to do is Click here to sign up and the technology will do the rest. If you can’t make the time, by signing up, you will be sent a link to the recording. ————————————– Best guitar RIFF ever Led Zeppelin’s “Got a whole lot of love” was voted the best guitar “riff” ever, this week. Click here Described as both menacing and caressing. As we know, music it is one of the most powerful triggers to instantly change your state. It can enhance studying, working out or help us remember times when we had fantastic experiences. TIP – Pick three times a day when you can incorporate music to enhance your state and therefore increase your motivation, energy and productivity. ——————————— Seize the day The passing of Robin Williams reminds me of that clip in Dead Poets Society, when he tells the boys to seize the day. Carpe Diem. Lets seize everyday. Carpe diem originally from the poem in 23 BC by Horace. ——————————– Copyright laws can make a monkey out of us Isn’t copyright a strange issue these days. With digital photography and images in the public domain it is a grey area. Photographer David Slater claims he owns the copyright of this photo, but apparently Wikipedia argues the monkey pressed the button and therefore took a selfie Click here ———————————– Slideshare – Derek’s channel . – Click here Blogs – The latest tips, techniques and tools by way of Derek’s blog. Negotiation and business tips. Click here . ——————————- Planet Thanet holidays As it is the end of the summer and I spent so many fantastic holidays in Westbrook, Margate, Kent. Here is a nostalgic video Dreamland – click here. Who else went on the scenic railway? The best wooden roller coaster in the world at that time. My two pals in Australia, Nev and Johnny painted it one winter, for cash I understand!!! If you find any of this information useful, please share it with anyone you think may be interested in positive self development. ——————————— August 11th Welcome to the August edition of the briefing. Thank you for opening and I really hope you are having a fantastic summer. The weather is pretty amazing, take advantage of being here in the UK. ————————— Negotiating is fundamental to everything we do. We are negotiating without realising it everyday. Sometimes you have to walk away with honour and just move on. In professional negotiating, it is how you walk away that is key. With humility, with pride and with thanks to the other side for trying to get a successful outcome. Don’t fight battles you can’t win is another key tip. If you can’t win something, be realistic. Move on and use your time resourcefully, where you can make a difference, rather than stick up for a principle, where you will probably lose. There are always other ways of achieving the outcomes you want. —————————— “You will find out who is swimming naked, when the tide goes out” Many people make lots of noise, sales promises or offers to help; often without substance. When you wait, see what they deliver, see how they handle things, you will find out if they are the sort of person you can trust. Trust needs to be earned. ——————————— How to speed up your reading? Following last month’s newsletter I have had some questions about smart reading. Several readers have contacted me and told me they have increased their reading speed. In fact one director on a course last week has doubled his reading speed. Why not go to this website and test your reading speed. Click here For quick results, use your finger or your mouse, as a visual pacer to increase your speed. The average person reads at 250 words a minute, speed reading is over 600 words a minute. How to speed up your thinking? A very simple technique is to walk 25% faster than you normally do. This creates a faster heartbeat, more oxygen to the brain and gets you moving quicker. Is it that simple? – try it. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got. Was the worldwide keyboard “QWERTY” really invented to slow us down? Yes it was. On the original manual typewriters, if you hit the most popular letters together, the arms got stuck as they punched in the letters on the ribbon. 150 years later we still have it, and it still slows us down! Linkedin is NOW your CV! Employers or someone looking for you are more likely to search Linkedin. So your linked in profile is your CV. ——————————– Automatic Negative Thoughts. (ANTS) At the San Diego speaking convention last month, I attended a session on efficiency and getting more done. Avoiding ANT’s is important, killing them off when they occur. I was intrigued with this and looked at the work by the American psychologist Daniel Amen. We all get ANTs to differing degrees. Like everything, it’s how you handle what happens to you that really counts. ————————————————————- July 21 Welcome to you and the 3911 readers of this briefing. Thank you for opening and I really hope you are having a fantastic summer. The negotiation message today is – “If you help people get what they want, then you will get what you want” We have been half way round the world since my last briefing, to attend the world speaking convention in San Diego, California. When we travel I notice and note many different things. I like to think through how we can use some of them in our thinking, in our jobs and in our lives. The USA can be a breath of fresh air. The culture in most places is you have to invest in yourself, invest in your attitude to be successful. The attitude is much more positive than perhaps most European countries and generally the Americans see opportunities rather than problems. A different mindset – the mindset of every problem is an opportunity. At the convention in San Diego I met with Brian Tracy and Patricia Fripp. They are two of the top ten personal development, marketing and sales consultants in the world. I have negotiated with Patricia to visit the UK in October and she will be the headline speaker at the speaking convention of 2014. The UK professional speaking convention, Cumberland Hotel, Oxford Street, London, October 10th – 12th. Brian Tracy whose programme “Thinking Big” has sold more than 3m copies world wide. I amazingly still have it on cassette tape, which I bought in 1995, it is brilliant. With Brian Tracy and Patricia Fripp in San Diego after my interviews —————————————- How to increase your available time by 45 hours a month We really have to read faster in 2014 and by doing so we comprehend more. Yes, that is true, even though it doesn’t sound right. According to research, the average person now spends approximately 3 hours a day reading on business related issues. Emails, articles and reports. That is 90 hours a month. Or 9 days a month on a 10 hour day. So if you double your reading speed you will have four and a half days a month for you. 1 – Decide you are going to read faster. Mindset – belief. 2 – Use your finger to focus your eyes on the words and lines and speed it up. 3 – Use your mouse if you are on a computer to follow the words. Stay open minded to this and try it. If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got. ——————————— Service before self. One of my favourite places is Swanage in Dorset and on a hilltop, over looking Swanage Bay and Old Harry rocks there is a seat. It has stunning views as you can see in the picture. I was sitting on the seat when I took this photo. On the seat there is an inscription dedicated to the memory of a fantastic volunteer lifeboatman which says “Service before Self” I was musing sitting there. When you help others get what they want, you tend to get what you want. Helping others, creates endorphins and as we know endorphins are a morphine like substance that makes us feel good. They are created naturally in the brain and they can flood our body. They make us feel good. By helping others you make them feel good and you good. Win Win —- Slideshare is a very useful website. I now have a slideshare channel where you will see slides after I upload a talk for the benefit of an audience and for you, briefing readers. The format sometimes changes, because I use a Mac but the information and facts are the same. The slide deck I used at Ashford B2B breakfast last week – Click here —- Finally this is Jacques Van Campenout, a flemish trader in the 19th century, who is my great grandfather. I think he might have had to have been a good deal maker, negotiator and trader. Perhaps that is where I get my keen interest in helping people negotiate, make more money and have more time. I have just been sent this previously unseen picture from my cousins, Suzanne and Diane JUNE 23 Welcome to this briefing, thank you for opening it and I am confident you find something useful here to make you even more successful. The quote above from Walt Disney is worth thinking about. If you can imagine it, you pursue it, you may be able to get it. Disney dreamed of a theme park, where everyone had a fantastic, theatrical experience while they were there. A maze of underground tunnels for the actors (the staff) to move around, to clear rubbish to service the restaurants. His vision, his dream came true. Could England have won the world cup? – England had a dream of winning the world cup, but it wasn’t a realistic dream. The players had already played 60 competitive games in the richest and most demanding league in the world. The Germans have a winter break. We have the most demanding TV schedule, which means an extra 10 games on cold, wet days and sticky pitches. Do we have rich players who perhaps aren’t as passionate? We live in a multi-cultural society, where often loyalties are not to the country where people live (that worries me). Emerging African nations now have dietary experts, state of the art training methods and maybe more of a will to win than perhaps players who are mega multi-millionaires. What do you think? Physio needs a physio – We all felt sorry for England physio Gary Lewin, who as a young man set a goal to become the Arsenal physio, when he didn’t make the grade as a junior footballer at the north london club. He made his dream by sheer hard work and determination. Then he went on to be the England physio. You may have seen his delight when England scored our first goal he jumped in the air, fell on a water bottle and broke his foot. Click here. He needed a physio quick and had to return home for treatment. You couldn’t make it up – If you follow finance and are interesting in the world of investing your hard earned savings, then follow my friend Justin Urquart-Stewart. Justin is a fantastic guy and a real expert, who is a realist and a commentator to follow. Speaking to Justin last week, he told me that a colleague of his at Seven Investment Management went to Brazil for the world cup, and was quoted £2200 for a 17 miles taxi fare from the airport. Entrepreneurship, greed or opportunism? I will let you make your mind up. This is a very rounded article from Justin headlined as “If I was 18 again, this is what I would want to know”. Click here Linkedin is vital – At a meeting with Pearson the global financial publishers, I asked Eloise the very clever and efficient editor, how she tracked me down to write a book. She looked at me in surprise, as people do when they feel you have asked a daft question, and said Linkedin of course. I said “So you narrowed it down to just me, from Linkedin and then emailed me”. Yes she said, why are you so surprised? Eloise went on to say that CV’s are 20th Century, everything you need to know about someone should be on Linkedin. If it’s not, they are off the pace in the new world. Wow that’s food for thought. One of my newsletter contacts wrote to me saying he had dinner with Brian Tracy. In my business of speaking, training and helping people reach their potential Brian Tracy is one of the top 5 Guru’s in the world. However this is what surprised me. My John contact said he was surprised to learn that Brian Tracy, who has spoken in 66 countries in the world, and is aged 70; still has a coach. All high achievers have a coach. I do, how else could I stay on the pace? I am off to the USA on Thursday to the Global Speaking Convention in San Diego. It’s a tough job this one, distilling the wisdom of the best brains for my clients. One goal from next week is to interview Brain Tracy, I will let you know how I get on. Guard your house – take pictures of your possessions. JUNE 12 – Thank you for opening this briefing. As I write it today I am looking out the window at the June sunshine. It’s fantastic and we are so lucky that our ancestors made sure that we were able to continue with democracy and freedom by their heroics 70 years ago. Choice is very important and it is 70 years ago the allies crossed the channel to land in Normandy and reclaim democracy from tyranny. We forget what resources had to be put into this defence of our human rights. My dad was conscripted and spent 5 years fighting in North Africa and Italy, my Mum worked in an arms factory in Cricklewood. Probably making wings for spitfires (she didn’t know what the plane was) and the rule was “Loose talk costs lives”. I find it fascinating that people who fought in such difficult situations never wanted to talk about it. I would love to know where dad was and what happened. Alas I can’t ask him now but we can all feel a massive gratitude to the people that helped us. My friend Wally Wade was involved in the D Day landings. I remember him telling me how they had to wait one day before they went (the weather was so bad) and how scared he was. He thought he was going to die. Wally landed at Arromanches using the Mulberry Harbour Click here that had been built in secrecy all around the UK. Using the genius, innovation and creativity of the people in war torn Great Britain. That is why we are called GREAT Britain. Can you imagine the negotiations that went into getting it built, transported and kept secret. Business, life and getting the most out of everything is all about determination. That British Bulldog spirit. This was shown by the amazing DDay veteran Bernard Jordan 89 who when told there was no place on the coach to Normandy last week checked himself out of the care home he and his wife lived in and made his own way on public transport. Looks like it was worth it for Bernard when he met the Candy Girls. Click here So what might we learn from 70 years ago that we can implement now – 1 – You can’t rely on luck. Results come from hardwork, sensible decision making and leadership. 2 – Winning a war is 24/7. If you are going to be successful you have to do more than the others. When you learn you earn. 3 – Team work is crucial. Pulling together for a common cause and common purpose. Business coaching bus When I saw this bus by Victoria station, I thought, that is an interesting idea, coaching on a commuter coach. It wasn’t that of course, it was an advert. It made me think of the starter questions that I ask when I am working with clients to help them make more money, develop their people and grow their businesses. 1 – What do you want to achieve? What is your purpose? 2 – What is the message you send your customers and your people? Do you communicate clearly? 3 – Are you open and honest, how do you share the good news and” the not so good” news. 4 – Are you surrounded by the right people. Energetic, skilled and with the right attitude? If not take action. 5 – Are you spending time developing their skills. People will always appreciate you and give more back, when you spend time and money helping them with their personal development. How suggestible are you? I have spoken at conferences with Richard Wiseman. The exercise that Wiseman demonstrates is a common one used in hypnotism to see how suggestible people are. However it is also shows how powerful the mind is. You might like to try it yourself. Click here What does this tell us? It tells us we get what we think about. The reticular activation system is very powerful. It is the part of the brain that focuses on what we want. It helps filter out all the millions of distractions that we have everyday and focus on what is on our mind. Be careful what you think about. Write another book? You must be joking. That’s what I said to Eloise Cook the commissioning editor of Pearson Business Publishing when she emailed me to ask me if I would write a book for Pearson on Persuasive Negotiating. She had looked at all my material, books, DVD programmes, website and masterclasses and decided she was going to persuade me. She had done her preparation. If you have any negotiation success stories that I can add to the book, do call me as the more contributors, the wider the negotiation stories the better it will be. After all negotiation sits in the middle of all business success. If as a business or an individual you don’t negotiate well, you will pay the price. Stay strong, make them wonder how you’re still smiling Last week in London I got off at Embankment station and saw this written on the white board. I wasn’t the only one taking a photo of it. The lady next to me said there is a different one each day. EXTRAORDINARYWelcome to this briefing. Thank you for opening it. Here are some ideas to consider that could take you further forward in your business, career and life. Impossible – or Im possible. It just depends how you look at it. Reframing the language and the words you use, can be key to your success. Everything is a problem or “Every problem is an opportunity”. “Opportunityisnowhere” has a different meaning depending where you decide to put the spaces. Either “Opportunity is no where” OR “Opportunity is now here”. Your choice. How we frame words and use words effect our energy and the energy of others as we communicate. Often when I am coaching people, they say to me Derek, I have no options. Sorry this is wrong, there are always choices. Tough choices maybe but there are always choices. Like in any negotiation, there is always a best position (which generally sits above your target position). Under your target position is your walk away position. Then we must have an alternative position. An alternative position is what you have when you walk away. Compare and contrast the two before you decide. In some negotiations you should walk away, once you have carefully thought about the alternatives and weighed the two up. Exactly the same when you are negotiating with yourself, which is of course deciding what to do with life’s choices. Having those little thinks when you take some QMT (quality me time). You might find the best way to do it is with a nice pen or pencil and a quality piece of paper or journal. Go somewhere quiet. Write down all your options without any evaluation. All options first, looking for as many as 20, then put the paper down and return to it later, and then evaluate the options. Supercharge your effectiveness. Time management or energy management. It is how you decide to spend your energy. There are only a certain number of heart beats in a life time, so clearly how we manage ourselves and our efficiency is key to the difference we can make to ourselves and to others. Make yourself more efficient by applying the 80/20 rule. 20% of what you do results in 80% of your effectiveness. Known otherwise as Pareto’s Law. Named after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who observed in 1906 that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population. He then observed that the principle applied to most things in life, business and even his garden. In fact 20% of the pea pods in his garden contained 80% of the peas. So recheck what you are doing. Constantly keeping up to date and on the pace is vital. One of the ways to do this is in your car or at home on your lap top, at times that suit you. the new DVD/CD learning system is designed to do that, give you the chance to learn whilst you are doing other things. For corporate clients it will be available as part of the full learning package, a back up to enhance the educational experience and will be priced at £247. It will be part of the teaching package. However for you, as readers, as a stand alone introductory offer I have discounted it to £37 for the online version. I have been requested to keep this promotion until May 31st. What you are doing is investing in yourself. You are buying tips and techniques that I have learnt over 30 years to make negotiating easy. The benefits to you are the opportunity of saving up to £1000 a year personally, getting promoted or a salary rise at work and even learning how to handle relationships better. As if you could? A no brainer. Better than 1.5% sitting in a savings account or investing in the latest share offer like Saga. Click here. ————- Blogs – The latest tips, techniques and tools by way of blog. Negotiation and business tips. Click here . Be extraordinary Words of wisdom. This is my pal Johnny Farrell in Perth Australia who I went to visit on his 99th birthday last year. I speak to him on the phone regularly. He told me that Arsenal always win the cup when they are drawn at home or in London in each round. He has been following Arsenal since 1921. As Arsenal had been drawn at home in every round I had a bet before the 6th round of the FACup. Last Saturday, Arsenal won the cup. Thank you Johnny. Any more tips like that let me know. . Some people have determination and resilience to handle set backs. Just like the plane in the quote above. We are always getting knocked off course, with challenges, set backs and issues – that’s life. Focusing on the important issues, whatever we are doing in life is crucial to our success.. When you need re-focusing remember and apply the 80 / 20 rule. 20% of what we do contributes to the 80% of our success. Keep checking daily that you are doing the 20% that is important. We know action is the key, that unlocks possibilities. It creates momentum and momentum creates energy. Here are a few action ideas for April. Life is one big negotiation someone once said 1 – Always have an alternative position. If things don’t go as expected have an alternative, that you have thought about in advance. 2 – Proper, planning, prevents, pretty, poor, performance. Plan what you are going to do and set up reminders in your calendars of actions that you are going to take. Busy people cannot remember everything. Keep lists. 3 – Remember the KISS rule. Which stands for keep it short and simple. The rule of Ockhams Razor says that the simplest option is probably the best. ——– Having spoken about SMART goals in the last edition, a reader emailed in this question. “Derek does it matter whether you write goals down in your own handwriting or type them up electronically”? The answer is “It depends”. Researchers will tell you under MRI imaging, handwriting notes opens up more neurons in the brain, than typing. What might this mean? It might mean your sub-conscious mind is more able to remember things that you have written with your hand, rather than typed on a keyboard. The SMART rule. Goals should be – Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time based. ————- Blogs – The latest tips, techniques and tools by way of blog. Negotiation and business tips. Click here. Be extraordinary Negotiation reminders. When I work with clients who want to improve their profitability, negotiation and business skills, I conduct a telephone back up call one month after the event. Here is the written debrief for three action points from a back up call last week. 1 – Always trade concessions. Never say “No problem” as the client has asked you for an extra. No problem implies it is valueless and you have just given away something you could have traded. The magic words are – “if you can do this for us……then we can do that for you” Make negotiated items conditional. 2 – Care with emotions. Emotions don’t allow us to make rational decisions. People need to balance the logic against the emotions. Take a time out, a deep breath or a break before agreeing. 3 – One participant found that 90% of her negotiations were internal, within the company. She is now going to make sure she sorts the internal negotiations out first, This will make her stronger when she meets and negotiates with the client. I have uploaded 27 of the slides here www.slideshare.net/derekarden. They are entitled 17th Feb – masterclass – critical learning points. Slideshare can be very useful, however the formatting got changed slightly. Anyone know how I avoid that next time? You can follow me on slideshare to see when I upload further material. ———————– It is said that it takes 14 muscles to smile and 72 to frown. Working in the speaking / training and motivational business the more people smile, the more they enjoy. The more they enjoy, the more they take notice and learn. Here is a fun video from Pepsi – filmed in Oxford St London which was supposed to go viral. It didn’t. However I think this is really worth looking at. Click here. ———— I couldn’t believe this YouTube clip. As a family we once had a Jack Russell called Toby. I couldn’t see Toby playing with a magpie like this puppy. Next time you can’t get on with someone – remember anything is possible if you put yourself out and get rid of your baggage – Click here
If you find any of this information useful, please share it with anyone you think may be interested in this information.
|That’s it for now, have a fantastic March. if you or your team need any help you know where to find me.With best wishes
Negotiation and Motivational Speaker, Trainer, Executive Coach / Mentor.
07980 241185 www.derekarden.com
——————————– Here is a thought for February – “Most people want a good listening to, not a good talking to” The winners are the people that are interested in others, not always trying to be interesting to others. Here are some simple ways to remind yourself to stop talking and listen carefully to others. 1 – Listen is an anagram of silent. You have to be silent both physically and mentally to listen to the other person. This means keeping your mouth closed and keeping silent in your head. Stopping head chatter, thinking about what you are going to say next etc. Listen = Silent. 2 – Remember W. A. I. T. Ask yourself Why Am I Talking? 3 – Imagine someone has just asked you “How many animals of each species did Moses take into the ark? When I ask this question at a conference, generally the majority of the audience answers two. If they don’t answer you can see from their body language the answer is two. Of course you would have listened acutely and knew the answer was nil. What happens here in our brain? We hear “How many animals of each species. Decide we have heard the fable before and that the answer is two. We don’t listen to the whole sentence and don’t listen to Moses, answer two and move on. Just for the odd person who still might not have understood. It was of course Noah who had the Ark Often I find myself teaching engineers to negotiate. I am always puzzled why there are never many women in the group. I am told that this is because girls are never encouraged to take engineering subjects at school. With this in mind an American firm has looked at this issue with an interesting advert Click Here ————————————————————————— Sometimes you have to cross the Rubicon. As you probably know it means passing the point of no return. But where does the expression come from? The Rubicon was a river in Italy, in which Hannibal’s army had to cross to get to Rome in BC49. Once the Rubicon was crossed there was no turning back, the decision was made and the consequences were that they had to win or die. Often in business and in life you have to cross your Rubicon, make your mind up and give it 110%. Don’t eat baked beans! It is amazing what readers send in. Here is a very clever advert with a strange ending. How do you get remembered? Click Here Not with baked beans I hope. We have now posted our 620th Negotiation blog yesterday.. Reminders of the action to take, to up your game in business, pleasure and with your families. Click here. ——————————————– Be extraordinary Amazing T Rex illusion that seems to follow you around Click here. What can we take from this? When we haven’t sorted something that we need to clear, it can bug us. Get up early tomorrow and Just Do It. It’s always best to do the big important things first. It gives us momentum. If you find any of this information useful, please share it with anyone you think may be interested in this information. ————————- Thank you for opening this briefing. The quote above is one of my favourite reminders. I often test myself – am I wondering, am I watching or am I making things happen? Action is the key that unlocks opportunities. Branding is a very important issue for us all in 2014. How does your brand come across to others? Are you someone who makes things happen, someone who is always early for meetings, smart, well groomed and positive? Does your voicemail sound like you are someone who is up for a challenge and will deliver on your promises? If you are a business. Does the brand of the business come across as modern, finger on the pulse and action orientated? Whether we are individuals or businesses our brand, the first impressions and the energy that is transmitted to others in just a few nano-seconds is the difference that makes the difference. Why not have a quick audit? ———– Outside the UK I have been lucky enough to be known as Mr Negotiator. A promoter in Bulgaria has just launched this website – take a look. www.mr-negotiator.com for the English version add “/en” at the end. I am looking forward to speaking at the premier venue in Sofia where I will be focusing on the psychology under pinning win win negotiating. Can I do that for you and your team? ———– Last month we discussed listening skills and it’s importance. A reader Nick wrote in – “Derek your timing – or that of your newsletter is excellent. I read the first half just before I went into a staff consultation with my teams . It meant I spoke for 15 mins of the hour and they had 45 mins of the hour to share their thoughts on what we were discussing – with me listening.” On crossing the Rubicon he continues I should have read it all because I did get asked what about if it doesn’t work can we go back to how it was before? Now I’ve read about the Rubicon that’s quite amusing – my answer was in the same ball park but not quite as erudite.” ——– Another reading / listening / attention poser for February – You have 12 seconds to work out the “question” and the answer. Be careful – this is a teaser. You are the driver of an empty bus that picks up and sets down passengers – At stop number 1 – 26 get on. At stop number 2 – 3 get off and 7 get on. At stop number 3 – 14 get on and 11 get off. At stop number 4 – 12 get off and 9 get on. At stop Number 5 – 21 get off and 7 get on. To check the question and the answer, go to the PS at the bottom of the page. ——————————————— Blogs – Reminders of the action to take, to up your game in business, pleasure and with your families. Click here. ——————————————– Be extraordinary The words we use are key to the results we get. Just look at this amazing reframe of words for extraordinary results – click here For this month’s extraordinary book. Try one of the classics of self development. Think and grow rich – which is my book of the month. Written by Napoleon Hill this is a classic for anyone who wants to live a larger, more prosperous life. Napoleon Hill’s books have been legendary in the business world for over 80 years. He was the undisputed pioneer of self-development. The 14 lessons he shares in this classic are the standards for self-improvement material that you see on the shelves today. As the old saying goes – it’s self-development not shelf development. Keep the book with you until you have extracted all the value, before you leave it on your bookshelf. ———— Care re making ASSumptions in anything in life. Particularly Negotiations. Check the otherside’s position, their understanding and what they really want. Other wise you risk making an Ass of yourself. Here is a very funny ASSumption.You may not want to give your parents high tech birthday presents this year after watching this – click here ———— Finally take time outs and check the facts in case you shoot yourself in the foot. Act in haste and you may regret it. Latvians recently decided to boycott Russian vodka “Stolichnaya” due to a local political issue. What they didn’t know was that Stoli is produced in Latvia. —————————– A very happy New Year to you and your family. Welcome to this briefing and thank you again for opening it. I thought I might highlight some of the most interesting points, techniques or video’s in 2013. The first one was the extraordinary TED video from the Neuro-scientist Amy Cuddy. You don’t need to look at it again, just remember power posing works for the mind / body connection. Put your hands on your hips for 2 minutes, quietly on your own of course, before you go into an important negotiation, meeting or interview. In simple terms this creates an endorphin like substance in the brain to make you feel good and confident. It works for me! Click here Secondly look at your motivational goals. Here are some techniques to use to give you the edge. 1 – Write your goals down in your own handwriting. 2 – Keep them handy. Carry them around with you, in a journal, a book or your purse / wallet. 3 – Put an exact date of when you will have achieved them. The exact day – say 31 March 2014. 4 – Update the goals regularly This appears to activate, your RAS. The reticular activation system in the brain. The part of the brain that focuses on what you want. Then we tend to notice things that take us towards what we want. Thirdly be careful with negatives. Remind yourself of the power of reframing. Many people don’t realise that the brain can’t process negatives immediately. First, the brain has to dismiss the don’t to make sense of the request and then it processes what is left. Here is an example – Don’t think of a blue tree. We think of a blue tree, before weprocess the don’t. The instruction opens the brain to the ideas of thinking of a blue tree. If you say to a child “Don’t spill the milk” What you are doing to the child’s brain? Programming to think about spilling the milk. So reframing is taking a negative and turning it into a positive. Think of a tall tree. Be careful with the milk. Go out and be successful. —————————————————– We posted our 600th Negotiation blog on 31st December. Reminders of the action to take, to up your game in business, pleasure and with your families. Click here. ——————————————– Be extraordinary West Jet were extraordinary and created a Christmas video which went viral. Click here to watch it. Here is a great one line reframe to leave you with – from Ronald Reagan – When an opponent in the Presidential election picked on Ronny for being too old Reagan responded “I want you to know that I do not wish to make age an issue. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience”. ————
Thank you for opening this briefing and for following our thoughts, techniques and tips during 2013. I wish you and your family a fantastic Christmas and a brilliant New Year. 2013 has been a fascinating year with, as always, so much to learn to keep us on the pace. That is why I always plan to give you new links. new takes on classic ideas to make us all more productive, efficient and confident. ————————— The sayings of the wise are usually the best ones to focus on. Here are three for 2014 – 1 – With rapid change at a speed that no one has ever experienced before, we might consider – “The world will belong to the learners, whilst the learned, will no longer know a lot in a world that no longer exists” Or put it this way – “When we continue to learn, we continue to earn” 2 – Life can be difficult. It has ebbs and flows. “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you handle it that counts. 3 -The “Law of Requisite Variety” says “the person with the most options will get the best results”. So try something new, if it doesn’t work you can go back to what you know does work. “If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got” —————————— Having been invited to several amazing Christmas lectures, talks and presentations, some as guests, some as the facilitator and some as the speaker. Here are some of the best takeaways 1 – Young people and young ideas are vital to any business. Mix them with knowledge, experience and wisdom, then you have a potent mixture for success. 2 – What you say and what people hear, can be very different. Therefore have more face to face meetings, rather than email. How emails are perceived often depends on the mood of the recipient. 3 – TEAM stands for together everybody achieves more. 10 surprising facts how our brain works – Click here A reader sent me the link above, which has many useful links and pictures on this fascinating subject. I was particularly interested in the benefits to the brain of a cat nap. Multi-tasking wasting brain energy and telling stories against ourselves means people are more likely to like us. Recent Negotiation blogs Click here. Use psychology as a business tool. The psychological technique called perceptual positions can be very useful. This is where in the preparation stage before a negotiation, a business meeting or a presentation, you put yourself in the position of the person you are seeing. You have three chairs. Yours, the person you are seeing and a neutral chair. You take your position first, then you move to the other side’s position and then you move to the neutral observers position. In each chair you become associated with how you imagine that person might be interpreting the situation. You consider what are they might be thinking, feeling, sensing and what do they want? This can be a very en-lightening, useful and practical technique. ——————————————– Be extraordinary Apollo Robbins is one of the best pick pockets in the world. On this short TED video, Robbins talks about confusing our senses by mis-direction. I had to watch it three times to work it out. It’s good entertainment, however in a business context it shows how easily it is to pull the wool over people’s eyes. For example, how did the Chairman of the Co-operative Bank get himself into such a prominent and vital position, when we know what we know now? Click here ————- —————————- Here we are in the middle of November again. Time really does fly, however as the Yogi said, you are piloting your life. So manage your energy and your time well. The retailers are pushing their Christmas gifts and perhaps now is the time to practice your negotiating skills asking for discounts or price reductions. Let me remind you of the game, and it is a game which saves us money! 1 – If you don’t ask you don’t get. 2 – The way you ask, is fundamental to the results that you will get. 3 – Build rapport with the person and ask gently with soft voice tonality. Here are a few phrases that you might use – “I like this, but it is a bit more than I was expecting to pay! Is there anything you can do to help me?” (Lower your voice when you say is there anything you can do to help me. Soft voice tonality is very persuasive). “I am trying to make my mind up between this and X which I have seen down the road. Could you do something on the price, to help me make my mind up?” “This is a little outside my budget. Could you do something for me?” Put these and similar lines into your own words. If they say no and they will sometimes, what have you lost? Just a little bit of self pride, and what does that cost you? If you are using the web to buy Christmas presents – do not forget to source the website through Quidco for extra cash backs. www.quidco.co.uk ——————————————————————————————- In business and in life we generally have more to do than we have time available. Remember the KISS rule. Keep it short and simple. How might we do this? Here is a method that I use. “The What? Why? How? test.” What is it, what are the things I have to do? Why do I have to do them? On a scale of 0—10 how important are they? How will I go about the tasks? When will I schedule them? How will I use my resources etc.? This KISS method enables us to use our energy and time as effectively as possible. Laser focus! —————————————————————- Negotiation blogs from the last two weeks – Click here. These include my views on Sky/BT TV negotiations, Megaphone tactics and the closure of shipbuilding threatened in Scotland. The fantastic Evian advert. As a student of the practical uses of NLP and a fan, I encourage everyone to mirror, match and model others. A reader sent me this YouTube clip which just shows what a connection you get with someone, when you mirror. This is amazing. Click here I thought this was so funny, however it carries a serious message for all of us! ——————————————– Be extraordinary CAR NEGOTIATIONS – A reader Graeme Hogarth writes “Derek – I managed to use some of you techniques on your YouTube channel to negotiate money off the advertised price as well as increasing the value of my trade in. Also managed to get them to include a tank of fuel and floor mats! ” To look at the video and save money click here 5 short, sharp focused tips At a conference recently I was asked what were my 5 short sharp focused tips for a Business MOT. 1 – Sharpen your saw. Manage your diary, your email, your time and energy in a slicker, even more effective way 2 – Use the 80 /20 rule to focus on the very important issues 3 – Always expect to get a better deal than the one on the table 4 – Take breaks and time outs to consolidate your thoughts and recharge your batteries. 5 – Ask opinions and advice from people who are really good at what they do. ——————————————————- POETS DAY – is of course Friday. Push Off Early Tomorrow is Saturday. In a recent survey in showed that Brits start slowing down by 2.39 on Fridays. Germans start earlier. I never had a job where I could do that!!!
We were in the Lake District last week and visited Brantwood near Coniston, the home of John Ruskin. John Ruskin is famous for many things as a 19th Century industrialist and philanthropist. For me I like his quote, “There is no such thing as a free lunch”, which I heard many years ago.
The quote has stuck with me in my business dealings and my negotiations ever since. Nothing is free, there is a cost to everything and whatever appears free will be in the package. One of the reasons that giving things to people, whether they are a gift or throwing items in to sweeten a deal is; they create an obligation in the mind of the recipient, that they owe you something back.
In the psychology of influence, giving items or time unconditionally, for no charge is called reciprocity.
People use reciprocity to create obligations. Manipulative people do it all the time – beware, if it “doesn’t smell right”, it probably isn’t right.
After all – if it is too good to be true – it probably is too good to be true.
The nicest way for us to use reciprocity, is to be the first person to buy the coffee or the drinks. Alternatively just put yourself out for the customer – many people never think to do that.
When I worked in banking often some of the clients used to give gifts at Christmas to their bank manager. The proper thing for the manager to do was to write back to the client thanking them for the gift and saying it would be distributed amongst the staff. This was as long as the item was only a small gift and something that could not be described as a bribe. (we now have the bribery Act 2011, thank goodness). If the gift was large, like I received a couple of times, the only thing to do was to return it immediately and say “We are not allowed to take gifts, thank you; but those are the rules”. This also told me something about the integrity of the customer!!!
The difference is ATTITUDE
What is the difference that makes the difference?. The USP (unique selling point). Often it’s you and your attitude.
Your attitude towards others, your attitude to yourself and your attitude towards life.
——————————— Business and negotiating tip of the week – Always leave a little space behind you.
You never know what is going to happen. Have some reserves, some spare cash, some spare time, some friends you can call on.
When I am teaching clients and their teams to negotiate, I cannot stress enough that whilst you need to achieve a win win. You need to leave a little space behind you for contingencies. For items that appear to be in the price but you find aren’t.
Alternatively, leave some fat for the buyer who just wants to win something for the point of winning.
This month extraordinary tip for winning more business.
Go out and start making stunning presentations. Upgrade your slides, upgrade your language to positive motivating words and present with more energy and confidence.
Mega tip – Always make three points. Not two – not four or five. Always three. Psychologically it makes a massive difference. The power of three. Join me on the – 7 November for the afternoon masterclass
Supercharge your negotiation skills – Make sure you can find the 18th Camel.
I first heard this story when I attended the Harvard Business School, Senior Executive Negotiating Programme, many years ago. A father left 17 camels in his will, to his three sons. When he passed away they opened the will and it said – 1 – The eldest son should get half of the camels. 2 – The middle son should get a third 3 – The youngest son should get a ninth. As this couldn’t be achieved, the sons started to fight each other. Just at this moment a wise man came along and asked what was the problem? They explained it is not possible to divide 17, in accordance with the will. The wise man after giving it some thought, said “I have a camel, if I give you my camel, that increases the total number of camels to 18, and solves the problem. They were amazed. Now he explained – one half of 18 = 9. A third of 18 = 6. A ninth of 18 = 2. The sons didn’t understand. So the wise man had to spell it out for them in simple language 9 plus 6, plus 2 = 17 and this leaves one camel, so now with the problem solved if you will give me my camel back I can get on my way. This is a great story, isn’t it? What can we take from this story? The attitude of a negotiation and of problem solving is to find the 18th camel i.e. the common ground. Once a person is able to find this 18th camel or the common ground, the issue can be resolved. It can be difficult, however to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think there is no solution, we won’t be able to find it. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you are probably right. —————————– We are such a small part of the universe. Here is a very interesting link – sent to me by a reader. The video puts into perspective how small some of the issues we think about, really are. Click here
—————————– Final thought. I was reminded this week of speaking in Estonia, when they announced that it was the first country to get all power from shale. While some of the world is debating the situation, they have taken action and become energy self sufficient. Go out and take action.
|That’s it for now. I hope everything is going really well and if you or your team need any help you know where to find me. Enjoy the weather.With best wishes
——————————————– 80% of concessions come in the last 20% of the negotiating time. (just as 20% of what you do produces 80% of the results)
——————————————– 80% of concessions come in the last 20% of the negotiating time. (just as 20% of what you do produces 80% of the results)
In negotiation, tactical negotiators often leave the key requirements to the last minute, as they know that is when the other side is more likely to concede big amounts. Obvious isn’t it. If it is obvious, then why do so many people fall for this tactic. You will find on the YouTube channel a number of negotiating clips I have made. You can watch them of just listen to them as you do your work to remind you of how to be a better negotiator. This one is the seven mistakes that people make when negotiating. Click here
23 July What a fantastic summer we are having. Weather, sport and now a royal birth. We were in Scotland last week and managed to visit the practice day for the British Open Golf championship at Muirfield near Edinburgh. Then on Friday went to Lords and watched the test match cricket. While watching at these events I was thinking about the level of preparation, commitment and motivation these top class athletes need. Particularly I was pondering what can we take from sport that will help us in our business, our negotiations and our lives. 1 – You have to have big goals. 2 – You need to surround yourself with the right people. Experts. If you can’t work with them directly, go and see them speak, buy their books, listen to their audios, join a mastermind group. 3 – You should commit yourself to the goals and remind yourself of them daily. 4 – You will have to keep physically and mentally fit. The mental side becomes more and more important. 5 – You need to visualise your success. Whatever success means to you. 6 – You have to chunk your goals down into bite size pieces, and celebrate the success at each stage. 7 – You have to be resilient to failure, negative feedback and take learnings from everything. An old boss of mine always used to say whenever I was disappointed about not closing a sale, a complaint or a problem “Every problem is an opportunity” Every failure is an opportunity to learn and as Thomas Edison famously said when he was criticised for his failure not to invent the lightbulb – “I have found a 1000 ways not to invent the lightbulb, so I am 1000 ways nearer to my goal. I love this Evian viral marketing clip – save this for when you have 60 seconds This is brilliant – ———————————————- 66% of meetings don’t have a structured agenda Why use agenda’s when in business meetings, when negotiating and when changing things? As we know agendas achieve three key things – 1- The use of agenda’s gives you control of the situation, the meeting and the timings. Without an agenda you will not have a plan, as the agenda forms part of your plan and keeps you on track. 2 – The order of the agenda allows you to dictate where the difficult items are placed. This means you can either get the easy items agreed first enabling you to create momentum OR bring issues to a halt by creating deadlock at an early stage. It’s not luck, it’s a choice. 3 – Agreement of agenda in advance, creates co-operation and enables you to see where the other side might be coming from. ——————————————– 50% discount NOW – all you need to know Last week I spoke at the Eureka Sales platinum mastermind group. I am the only speaker that has been requested back for the second time. We recorded the three hour session both for DVD, CD and as a podcast. I am writing a workbook that goes with it and the whole home learning system which includes books and pocket guides; will be available in the Autumn. The price for newsletter readers and their companies will be £197 however we are offering a pre-publication price of JUST £97. Email me for this special one off offer NOW Included in the tips will be the 7 common mistakes that people make when negotiating and how that costs thousands of pounds to companies every year. Reminder if you can’t see which way the arrow goes in extraordinary, you might be working too hard and missing opportunities. Slow down to go faster. Brains – use your brain effectively Many people are fascinated in male and female differences – this clip sums up some differences in a hilarious way. As Mark Gungor says men have boxes for everything and the boxes don’t touch. Whereas women have connected brains like the internet super highway. Seems to make sense to me as a man!!! Click here Baking HOT A skype mastermind group member who now lives in Perth, Australia sent this clip of how people used to enjoy themselves on summer holidays in the 1960’s. Holidays are a bit different from now, but isn’t it all about the feeling you get from your holidays, not where you go? I saw it written that holidays can be a very stressful time now, as there is so much more choice for families, more choice can mean more arguments! I also read it takes the average person 3.2 days to relax on holiday. A friend of mine’s wife refuses to let him go on holiday with his blackberry. Margate in the sixties Final tip for July is never forget there are two sides to everything, no matter how thin you slice it! ———————————– July 9th Congratulations to Andy Murray Andy Murray dreamt of his success as a child. A boy who had survived the Dunblane massacre. Someone who had his Mum as his tennis coach until he was 12 and then had a very good coach Miles McClagen, who reached 179 in the world as a player. Having lost 2 grand slam finals he sat down and asked himself some questions. What did he need to win a grand slam final? Who did he need to surround himself with to be even better? Murray realised that to achieve his dream he needed a coach that had achieved more than he had done. Tennis being a very individual sport like golf. He turned to Ivan Lendl in the winter of 2011. A man who knew how it felt to lose, who knew how focused mentally and physically you had to be. Who knew the sheer determination that winners needed. Lendl had lost his first four grand slam finals and then won eight. Lendl didn’t need the money as a coach, he is a rich man, he needed success, success through others. Interestingly according to all reports, Lendl didn’t change much in Murray’s game. The scientific programme that governed Murray’s development remained in place. What Lendl did was concentrate on an even more important muscle; his brain. Who are you following / modelling? – Someone who can take you further or somene who just happens to be your boss, an old friend or an old idol. Are you learning new good habits or are you re-confirming old bad ones? Murray is……… You can be extraordinary ———————————————————– “Mans search for meaning” In this amazing book from a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps. Dr Frankel, a psychologist, explains how he survived by goal setting and also explains the theory of Logotherapy. Logotherapy is how doing the opposite sometimes gets you the results you want. Sounds strange, but it often works. Here is a rare interview with Dr Viktor Frankel in 1972. It’s 4 minutes and needs a little patience !!! – Click here “How money can buy happiness” The world’s most famous investor Warren Buffett – explains in the Harvard Business Review – how money can buy happiness, even if you are in a poor country. It’s not what you might be expecting! It works for me, let me know if it does for you! Click here Give a lift and get wisdom. My drive with Patricia Fripp!!! These are the points that you might use from the drive with Patricia Fripp, Dorset born sales, marketing and speaking expert; now sharing her time between San Francisco and Las Vegas. www.fripp.com 1 – The “You and I ratio”. When influencing the more you talk about the other person the more you will influence them. This is not easy to do. 2 – Stories are powerful – speaking, persuading or selling. Make the stories as visual for the listener. For example – “It was a hot summer’s day in London……..before you start the facts of the story. This gives the listeners a visual picture in their mind of a hot day in somewhere they have been to or have seen on TV. 3 – Be more proactive on LinkedIn. It is a powerful tool whatever your job role is now. You will need it at some stage. The time to update it and your connections, is when you don’t need it. 1 Minute Negotiating tip When you are buying a car or a similar product, where the sales people are great at using sales and negotiating techniques. Make sure you – 1 – Always have other options to buy. 2 – Be prepared to walk out that day and don’t be pressurised into buying it there and then. Uncouple the the emotional connection – have a time out and a think. 3 – If you are going to buy it, get the salesperson’s email address and email them making a counter offer overnight. As Mick Jagger said, “Time is on my side”. Make sure time is on your side when you are negotiating. If not in a jumping jack flash you will have caved in to the salesperson’s pressure. Profit improvement prevention departments “PIPD” I have lots of emails from you, thanking me for raising this issue of bureaucracy, systems, specialised departments getting in the way of making money and saving money. It’s crazy not to invest money to save money, isnt it? If it makes sense – just do it. Get your team an intensive day on advanced negotiating. Crazy hot summer – negotiations of the month Tesco bill for deliveries to Glastonbury – Wayne Rooney is reported to have spent £1900 on deliveries to his trailer. Apparently mainly pot noodles and vodka. How many clubcard points did he get for that? It’s probably lowered his value in the transfer market. I hope Arsenal don’t buy him now! 25m Euro’s The figure that Lionel Messi (voted the best footballer in the world) – is paying the Spanish tax authorities to drop the case against him for Tax evasion. I wonder who thinks they have the best deal? Bebo – Michael Birch sold the social networking site for $850m to technology giant AOL in 2008. AOL sold it to a hedge fund in 2010 for $10m and Mr Birch bought it back last week for $1m. Final tip for July is never forget If it’s important whatever anyone tells you – check it out with an expert. “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is” ———————————————————————— June 28th 2013 Just do it – invest in success – yourself, your team and your business. Education is an investment over 20 years, not a short term cost. Depreciate the fee over 20 years and then calculate the value. Dear derek, I am really privileged in my vocation of being an Professional Speaker in Motivation, Mentoring and Negotiation. I must be pretty good as I get great feedback, BUT only by continuing to learn, review and practice. I don’t say that to impress you – I say that to impress upon you that continuous learning is essential for all of us. How do we stay an expert in today’s fast changing world. We have to spend more time on our own personal development than ever. But of course people say they haven’t got time. It’s interesting that the busiest people always find time. This week I have spent 5 hours listening to other experts. I have spoken to 224 people in the last week, including one conference of 150 accountants all working in the NHS. What an honour that is – to focus on the delegates self motivation and negotiation. How to sort your own self talk and internal thinking and then use a few critical advanced negotiation skills to get a better price. An MRI scanner in just one hospital can cost over £750,000 and there are now much more advanced ones. If negotiating even better, can save 10% that is £75,000 of extra treatments!!! Neuro-scientist shares knowledge On Thursday last week, I was in Reading and ran a a masterclass for professional speakers. Wow that is always an amazing challenge. Just imagine 45 people looking at all your techniques, body language and verbal language every second. In the evening I was blown away by the content of a talk by neuroscientist, Dr Lynda Shaw. Lynda specialises in successful ageing, which of course includes research into Alhzeimer’s disease and dementia. Lynda showed the latest MRI scans of her own brain. She then showed us which parts of the brain were responsible for various illnesses that occur some more in men and some more in women. There is a lot of joking about the difference between men and women, but we were shown clearly the difference between the sizes of different components in a male brain compared with a female brain. Now I know why I can never find things my wife has put in the fridge or my keys, which are usually staring me in the face. I am meeting Lynda next month and will pass on any tips that I think are useful. Give a lift and get wisdom. Wisdom is priceless!!! Next Tuesday morning I am picking up Patricia Fripp from Heathrow airport at 7.10 am flying in from San Francisco and driving her to Wimborne. She is the UK on holiday. Why you might ask me? Patricia is one of the best speakers in the USA, she is one of the best salespeople in the speaking business and one of the best mentors. For mentoring she charges in the region of $7500 a day. She will be in my car for 2 hours. What tips do you think I will be getting. It’s priceless when you can do something like this. Luckily most people wouldn’t put themselves out. I do and I will share her tips with you. Click here 10 Minute Mentoring I have two spaces left on my 10 minute a month “priceless tips” mentoring programme. You pay £17 a month and include gift aid direct to the charity – Challengers and you get 10 minutes of mentoring a month on the phone. No catches you get to ask me any business / life question. You also get to support a fantastic cause. Paul Rogers an RBS Director has been one of my inner circle mentees for over 18 months. If you are in any doubt, call Paul. I will give you his number. I am reminded by the old Italian proverb in the header this month “After it is all over, we are all equal. We are born with nothing, we leave with nothing so we had better be careful how we treat others on the journey”. Arsenal footballer on £15 a week My wise friend and guru Wally Wade told me this piece of advice his brother had been given. Joe Wade was a Professional Footballer with Arsenal in the fifties, an outstanding full back. By the way he earned £15 a week. When he was first selected for the Arsenal 1st team, Tom Whittaker came up to him (Tom was a mentor of these young men) and said. “Make sure you treat people well when you are on the way up, as you will need all the help you can get when you are on the way down.” Great advice for a young footballer and great advice for us. Do your people treat your customers with the respect they deserve? Procurement and HR I have been quoting for a number of pieces of businesses recently. In several cases procurement and / or HR have got involved. Stalled the process and basically stopped things happening. Profit improvement prevention departments. “PIPD” What a great phrase – do you have them? I know I could have shown them how to save the cost of my fees by now if we had just run one programme. It’s amazing, you can’t make this stuff up. ——————————————————————————– New Keynote – “Bugged in Brussels, bribed in Brisbane and threatened in Toronto” ” I am thrilled to be recording my latest inspirational keynote speech onto DVD to be used in conjunction with a masterclass workbook on 10th July live. This is aimed specifically at people who want to make more money by improving their negotiating and business skills BUT can’t get out of the office. Luckily I didn’t take the bribe and I am still here to tell the story. Worst interviewee ever Andrew Neill describes this interview as the worst he has ever done and the interviewee an idiot. Bit strong for a journalist BUT…….Click here 460 blog posts = a large book free In case you need any inspiration, motivation or just a few negotiating tactics. I have posted over 460 blog posts on my website. 142 this year. www.derekarden.co.uk/blog The theme is managing yourself and getting better deals. Final tip for June is never forget “There are three sides to every negotiation, conflict and argument. Mine, yours and the right one” Take care and make sure you have a fantastic end of June ————————————————————————— June 10th 2013 I was at the Finance Committee meeting, of a Company where I am a Director, last Friday. We met in Eastbourne for dinner Thursday night and then started our formal meeting early the next day. Before breakfast I went for a long walk along the promenade with Graham Jones the Internet psychologist who I get lots of ideas from. 1 – We were watching the early birds getting the worms. 2 – Discussing why people don’t handle emails well. 3 – How to negotiate with difficult people to make things happen. As recent research says we get 150 emails a day – and only 6 get actioned. I asked Graham how do you get more people to open more of your emails, read them and send you an answer? This is his answer – 1 – The subject matter should be no more than 40 characters. 2 – The subject line needs a call to action. 3 – The subject line has a question. Can you check these updates? or Can you check these appalling updates? Getting a little humour into the question. It is amazing the people or the birds that get up early, get more done, learn more and catch the worms!!! ————————— We were in the Isle of Man early last week. Co-incidently staying at a hotel where I had stayed when working for the Institute Of Financial Services a few years ago, The Sefton. This time the Isle of Man TT motorcycle races were on, so I went and had a look as I was curious how it worked. Frankly it was amazing the speed of the bikes, the danger and the degree of skill. We all need to keep our skills at the highest level in todays market place and that is why I like to share ideas with you in this newsletter. Ideas that I am reminded of, or ideas I come across in my travels. ————————— We are all motivational speakers Motivational speaking is giving people ideas in an interesting and entertaining way, so that they take action. That is why I like to call it Motive-action. It is no good if the recipients don’t take action. The psychologists say you can’t motivate someone, you can only give them the tools or show them different ways to motivate themselves. So many talks are geared at giving out a message. Profits, results, achievements, technical skills etc. Research says the retention is directly related to how much the audience takes in when they are paying attention. Some say that in a slow technical presentation, no more than 8% is retained, because the presenter loses the audience at a very early stage. The audience will take in much more, if the speaker is motivated, congruent and using interesting stories, anecdotes, short video clips, powerful slides etc. and transmitting energy as he or she presents. Today’s audiences need information quick, really quick to keep their attention. They can also check information instantly on their smart phones and sometimes delight in telling speakers that they are wrong. If you have dull subjects to get across at a conference then consider using a facilitator to energise in between sessions. I don’t mean leaping up and down US Anthony Robbins style I mean snippets of useful information such as – How to haggle, how to build instant rapport, how to read body language. How the top achievers motivate themselves when they get out of bed, How to tell if someone is not telling you the truth. OR EVEN – “The really powerful questions to ask when digging deep in an interview”. ——————————- Strange facts this week Australia for the third year running has been ranked as the happiest nation in the developed world. Britain has 509,000 millionaire households. but don’t be fooled. We are a nation of property owners where many other countries like Germany rent their houses. British motorists spend 14 weeks of their life time, looking for parking spaces. ——————————– Just to show nothing changes, here is a great quote “The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can’t be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.” Harry Emerson Fosdick – 1878-1969, Pastor. Watch this – I bet Mr Fosdick couldn’t have predicted this – A revised version of David Bowie’s Space Oddity, recorded by Commander Chris Hadfield on board the International Space Station. This is amazing when you take all the circumstances into account. Click here ———————————– NERVES – try a little Adele. Nervous flyers need someone like Adele to calm them down according to music streaming service Spotify Tracks that stimulate the logical left and the emotional right sides of the brain are proven to reduce anxiety. “Someone like you” by Adele with 273 million views on YouTube is highly recommended apparently Click here. Other people might prefer Paradise by Coldplay that does the same to the brain. Coldplay with 208 million views Linkedin profile gives away undeclared Tax Finally I mentioned last month the dangers of facebook as HR departments often check profiles before even granting an interview. In Sweden the tax authorites discovered from a linkedin profile that a Swedish taxpayer had an undeclared job, followed it up and charged him an extra $750k. Make sure you have a fantastic June 2013 ————————————————————— 17th April 2013 Welcome to this briefing on a much warmer day than we have been having recently. With the newspapers full of Mrs Thatcher’s legacy, I am going to mention legacy this week. Whatever your politics Mrs Thatcher was a woman that made things happen and that is a legacy for all of us. She was famous for getting to the bottom of things and that is a fantastic trait. As a friend of mine says if something is not quite understood, “Lets get the drains up” to see if there is anything nasty underneath, that we need to know about it. Here are some takeaways you might use from her legacy. 1 – Prepare for every situation. 2 – Plan for the worst, just in case – but expect the best. 3 – Read everything and try to understand every angle. It is interesting, she is described as dismissive of anyone who didn’t come to her totally briefed. I think the Prime Minister of the UK ought to be able to expect that, as of course should anyone, who has to make vital decisions. —————————————————————— Here is an interview on the Media Coach Radio show last week. I met Alan Stevens in the Landmark Hotel, he had to apologise to his listeners for the piano player in the background. Click here. Next week – Almost free negotiation masterclass – details click here A condensed version of the best takeaways from 20 years of negotiating. Central London – 25th April – 3.00pm including 2 books, 1 CD and 3 articles. REFRESH THE BITS THAT NEED REFRESHING. Motivation I am reminded today by one of our readers of the wisdom in the Latin expression, “Who guards the guards”. It triggered in my mind the following questions – 1 – Who motivates the motivators?, 2 – Who trains the trainers? 3 – Who mentors the mentors? We have to go out and find the people who will support us and they generally don’t just turn up out of the blue. “You become who you spend the most time with – so make sure you hang around smart people”. Three useful quotes sent to me by a reader “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life with what we give” – Sir Winston Churchill. “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value” – Albert Einstein “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first” – Mark Twain. Apparently we are losing our ability to listen! I enjoyed this short TED clip which suggests we are losing our ability to listen. Click here. This means for those of us who attempt to listen carefully we will end up knowing a lot more than others. Listen is an anagram of silent. I love this tee shirt. I saw it in New York. Fly by Weight With people getting bigger one airline has decided to charge only on weight – it’s a good job Michael O’Leary the CEO of Ryanair has decided not to do this yet. Time in Negotiating Finally I am reminded yet again by the 80/20 rule. 80% of what we do accounts for 20% of the results. 20% of what we do accounts for 80% of the results. In negotiations often 80% of the concessions come in the last 20% of the negotiating time available. As negotiators we need to make sure we control the time as much as we can so we are not pressurised to make concessions we don’t need to make because of time constraints. APRIL 4th Welcome to our April briefing, thanks for opening and if you enjoy it please send it on to others. I am at 3802 readers and my April target is 4000. Thank you for your support. I have just come back from skiing in France and attending a motivational convention. It was a great week, we had all sorts of weather from a total white out, to fantastic sun. Skiing to me encompasses every area of skills that we can use in our business life and our personal life. These were the things I was thinking about as I put my life on to two separate planks of wood – going downhill at over 25 miles an hour. What we can learn from skiing! You have to get rid of your fears and go for it. If you think you might fall over, guess what is most likely to happen. “You get what you think about”. You need to have a good mentor / ski instructor. “If you model average people, you get average results” It takes practice, practice and practice. “Proper, practice, prevents, pretty, poor, performance (The 6 P’s)” You need sharp edges on everything you do. “Laser focus and sharp thinking” While in France the Cypriot debt crisis worsened and I was wondering what would happen next in the Euro. Just as I was contemplating this – I noticed my French train ticket back to Geneva was priced in both euro’s and french francs. It made me think that perhaps the French know something that we don’t know. Some readers of this briefing are from Cyprus, Slovenia and Estonia; three countries where I have taught negotiation to large audiences. All three countries are going through turbulent times. I will be in Slovenia in September and here is the promo car negotiation video I made for the session with Slovenian sub-titles. You don’t need to speak Slovenian to get a discount on your next car. Just follow these car negotiating tips Click here Hull – Daily Mail – more money saving ideas The KC stadium hosts Hull Football and Rugby League Clubs but it hosted a negotiation masterclass last week. Here are a number of tips that the Hull Daily Mail – extracted from me for their readers. Why don’t you try them out? Click here What are you doing on 18th April. Would more money be useful to you? Why not attend your own masterclass. They are running on 18 April in London and 25th April in Manchester. Mid afternoon start for those of you who are short of time. You will receive 2 books and a CD, together with a comprehensive workbook. If you haven’t covered the fee in two weeks then I will give you your money back. Unconditionally. Why am I doing this? I am passionate about people in the UK being better at their negotiations, influencing and relationships. £129 per person or three for £225. Come together. Email email@example.com NOW and negotiate a deal. Mature student discount card Most of you should have had a copy of the “Mature Student Discount Card”. The card is a bit of fun for those people who need reminding to always ask for discounts, to save even more money. I received this email from reader Peter Appleton last week and here is what he said. “Shopping with Mrs A. In departures before we left Atlanta we ended up getting involved with the expensive sun glasses shop. Somehow I am standing with two pairs of not cheap glasses in my hand and a very triumphant and smiling sales girl about to take my dollars. Surely buying two pairs must be worth a small discount I enquire, ha she replies ‘ I can if you have a student discount card’. After a short search in my wallet I produce my ‘Mature Students discount card’ courtesy of Derek Arden inc. When she had picked her self up from the floor from laughing she agreed that we were well worth an extra 15%.” The problem with common sense – it’s not very common! Power of the Press It must be true because I read it in the Daily Mail The power of negative headlines and news on our minds concerns me. It’s worth having a look at this video if you haven’t seen it before. It’s called it must be true because I read it in the Daily Mail and it alleges the Daily Mail spins news to suit its own goals, which is to sell newspapers. click here Tip of the month – Presenting For some reason some people think that slides cost money – so people tend to squeeze too much information on one slide. Arden’s rules are – no more than three bullets per slide – five words with each bullet. Put a picture on each slide. Use your phone to capture original pictures. A picture tells a thousand words. Why use sites like Iphoto when you can take original photos yourself? FREE. I always produce more slides than I need and then cut them down as I ask myself – what does each one achieve and is there a better way of achieving my goal? Whenever we stand to speak we have the opportunity to move people’s minds and make them take action. If for any reason your name doesn’t appear correct on this newsletter, please accept my apologises. However could you let me know so I can correct it. 14th March 2013 Welcome to our March briefing, thanks for opening. The daffodils are out in my garden and I cut the grass last week, now it has turned freezing again. Do you find it more difficult to motivate yourself when it is cold. Many people do – I have some ideas for you in this briefing. The Charlie Chaplin quote in the heading above is spot on for most people. Make sure you are looking up and forward. I am blogging regularly now as my mentor Graham Jones has given me many tips to benefit readers. So if you get the chance to follow me it’s www.derekarden.co.uk/blog. Topical news stories with a business and motivational spin. A reader tells me there is a classic, very interesting video clip called, “Lessons from Geese” which has finally been put on YouTube. This is great – take a look. What teamwork by the geese and I think it is fantastic. If one bird is not well on a migration, another bird lands to stay with it, while it recovers. Win win. Who taught them this stuff, I wonder? Couldn’t we, learn from this? Lessons from Geese Columbo in Columbia – Byron Vincent gave up his job last year and has been travelling the world riding a classic motorcycle around the world (1979 BMW R100RS). I met Byron when he attended a Motivation, Negotiation and Influencing workshop. Here are some of his learning – re-learning points that he has been able to put into practice on the 21,000 mile journey so far. 1 – Take charge of everything you do. Your life, your money and your time 2 – Use negotiation tactics whenever necessary. The Columbo Tactic from the TV series – “I am not sure that I understand what you are saying. Could you go over that again?” Very useful when you think someone is spinning something! 3 – Higher authority. When being asked for cash by a custom official at an entry point, Byron said – “I have been advised by my embassy not to pay this type of money.” Have a warm smile, build rapport and whatever you do, dont be aggressive. Analyse where the power is in any situation. In this case, in the hands of the officials. We all need to re-learn key points that we have forgotten to implement. There are some proven tactics to do this – email me if you want to know more. Byron’s blog posts Body Language Last week I spoke at a women’s only conference on body language and I have written a new keynote talk. I love this stuff – slides, pictures and lots of interaction. What surprised me was – I thought that, “women only”, was “sexism in 2013″ (only joking). We had some fun once we started talking about the differences between Men and Women and the research that has come out of books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Is it true that men talk directly and women indirectly? Women can multi-task and men only mono task? Women’s hearing is 50% better than men’s, as is their peripheral vision? Yes according to scientific research in most cases this is true. Listening If you really want to listen properly you need to remember the WAIT rule. Put yourself in the present, no distractions or internal thoughts. Then make sure you remember W.A.I.T Why Am I Talking – each time you start talking or thinking about talking. This way you will soon become a perceptive active listener. If you want to see some defensive body language, voice stuttering and general fidgeting. Click on the link below. This is a key leader in the UK!!! Leadership? You might be staggered by what you can see in this interview with Sir David Nicholson . Just look at the the 10 seconds after Sarah Woollaston MP fires the first question. No eye contact at all, seriously stuttering his way through and an amazing facial expression which says it all. He hasn’t been sacked and he hasn’t resigned! Viewing time 30 seconds. You may also notice total focus on himself, he has total disregard for the lady in the blue suit. That could have of course been nerves. The leader of the NHS Coming soon – motivational, efficiency and educational tips including – The knowledge Myth KISS method Conflict management Johari’s window Body language Pareto – 80/20 Double to do list – time management Feedforward Goal setting with timeline Finally I will be including these tips in a late afternoon negotiating masterclass, taking place in both London and Manchester during April. If possible I am going to have three free places for newsletter readers. Let me know if you would like to apply for one. If for any reason your name doesn’t appear correct on this newsletter, please accept my apologises. However could you let me know so I can correct it. We all make mistakes and we need feedforward (not feedback) to correct things,as we move forward. – See more at: http://www.derekarden.co.uk/executive-briefings/#sthash.WkNKZuVh.dpuf